


We'll Make It to August (And Everything After Too)

by Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains



Series: All the Little Lights [5]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Aged-Up Characters, Alternate Universe - High School, Asuka's in denial, Dangerous levels of fluff, Evangelion: The Romantic Comedy Edition, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Featuring Kaworu's classic 'chill', Flirting, Kaworu enjoys making Shinji blush way too much, Kawoshin & Asurei All the Way, M/M, Meaningful conversations, Rei dealing with feelings, Sort of a slow burn Asurei, There's some substantial stuff amidst the silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24957340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains/pseuds/Pearl_Pilots_In_Chains
Summary: Kaworu, remarked, as casual and smooth as ever, “You know Shinji, my eyes are up here.  In case you forgot.”Shinji’s face caught fire, transforming into something akin to a tomato in color.~~~~~Life for Shinji, Rei, and the rest of their group is never boring. Absurd? Sometimes. Obnoxious? Occasionally. But never boring.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Horaki Hikari/Suzuhara Touji, Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu
Series: All the Little Lights [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765918
Comments: 18
Kudos: 84





	1. The Eyes Have It (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hikari invites the group to go swimming. Inevitably, this leads to Kaworu taking advantage of the opportunity to flirt with Shinji. And of course, Shinji gets adorably flustered.
> 
> Oh, and somewhere along the way, Toji gets chased up a tree. Because why not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of my All The Little Lights series (of Highschool AU Eva fics). It deviates from canon in numerous ways, so if something seems off, that's probably intentional. This particular "episode" is going to include the whole group, just like Open Invitation, but this time, the focus will be on Kawoshin, rather than Asurei.
> 
> I've also decided to make a little shift in the structure of the series with this fic. Rather than each writing each single vignette as a fic of its own, I'm planning to have this fic include a number of separate "episodes" (probably a couple months worth in the characters' world). The chapter titles will reflect this. I'm still going to shy away from maintaining an unbroken narrative of the characters' lives though. I prefer to cover particular events here and there, just like a slice-of-life anime usually does. Anyhow, enough rambling! On to the shenanigans!

“Yo Shinji, you gonna get in man?”

Shinji pulled his eyes away from the sky, where he had been curiously studying one of the few clouds present, which had taken on a rather unusual, almost quadruped shape (he personally thought it was somewhat reminiscent of a cat).Toji was looking at him with an askew head and a quirked eyebrow, the question still hanging in the air between them.

“Yeah, I will.I’m just gonna wait another minute or so,” Shinji answered with an affable smile and a slight nod.

The first traces of a grin crept across Toji’s face.“I get ya.You waiting for something in particular?”The question had the smallest inkling of suggestion in it.

Shinji’s brow furrowed as he did his best to look as innocent as possible.“Like what?”

“Oh, I dunno dude, a particular someone maybe?”Toji’s grin was growing more gimlet by the minute, the suggestion not nearly as understated as it had been the first time it was posed.

Shinji felt his cheeks, which were already fairly warm under the sheen of the summer sun (even if it was a milder day for this time for year), growing to a temperature that could indisputably only be classified as hot.“Uhhh . . . I don’t know whatcha mean Toji.”He chuckled as he spoke, shaping his shoulders into his best naive shrug.

“I knew it!,” Toji proclaimed, stroking his kind-of-goatee (something which he had mostly been growing out over the summer just to annoy Hikari) deviously as he disposed of any play at decorum or subtlety.“You’re just waiting for your boyfriend to get out from changing so you check him out while he’s topless, am I right?”

Shinji outright blushed, quite fiercely, in fact.“What?!No, nothing like that!,” he hurriedly exclaimed.Toji’s suspicion contained a not insubstantial kernel of truth somewhere within its insinuations, but Shinji wasn’t about to dig his grave any further by confirming his best friend’s theory.

Toji leaned down toward Shinji conspiratorially, and waved his hand dismissively.“Don’t worry bro, your secret’s safe with me.I won’t rat you out.I mean, I can’t say they don’t already know—,” he angled his head toward the furthest portion of the pool, where the rest of the group (sans Kaworu, of course) were swimming in the deep end, “But hey, they won’t hear it from me.I’ve got your back.”He stood tall again and nodded firmly, a business-like manner about him, impropriety absent once more.

“Uhh, thanks,” Shinji responded sheepishly, rubbing his neck, where it suddenly seemed as if substantial quantities of sweat had begun to accumulate.His eyes were abruptly finding the tiles installed along the pool side quite interesting.

“Don’t mention it,” Toji replied.Shinji didn’t look up to meet his gaze, but from what he could see, his friend was flashing a thumbs up.“Anyway,” Toji continued, “I’m off to do what I do best: make some mayhem.Wish me luck!”

Shinji looked up to regard his friend, who was now surveying the occupied end of the pool, whose inhabitants seemed oblivious of his inspection, with an expression that Shinji thought looked just a bit predatory.“Good luck,” he offered dubiously.

Toji looked back to Shinji.“They’ll never see it coming.”

Shinji nodded slowly, scrunching his lips thoughtfully.“You’re going to jump in, aren’t you?”

Toji’s practically beamed.“Dude, this is why we’re friends.Great minds think alike.”

Shinji fought down the urge to roll his eyes or shake his head. _Classic Toji, all the way._ Instead, he merely remarked, “You’re gonna need that luck.”

“I live on the edge,” Toji stated smugly.

“That’s one word for it,” Shinji agreed with a nod.

Toji shot back a humorously grave salute, spun about, and headed down the pool side.Once the other boy’s back was turned, Shinji took the opportunity to roll his eyes.He hoped that Toji’s antic didn’t ruin the atmosphere too much, but there wasn’t much he could do (or at least, felt like doing) to stop his friend.Once Toji came up with the idea for some sort of absurd caper, he tended to see it through to its conclusion, whatever that might be.More often than not, said conclusion involved Toji facing Hikari’s ‘wrath.’Shinji had the distinct feeling that Hikari might not be the only one Toji would have to contend on the other side of this particular escapade.He imagined Asuka would be equally irate.Not that pointing out this fact would sway Toji from his ‘mission.’ _On the contrary, it’d probably have the opposite effect._

Whatever came of Toji’s impending splash-assault (given that Shinji assumed this was what he was planning to do), Shinji decided that today had been a good day so far, and unless Toji really messed up, things probably couldn’t go too wrong.However, more than the fact that today had been a good day, Shinji found himself realizing that today had been an unexpected day. _Well, maybe not unexpected when you look at the past couple of weeks or so, but if you get any earlier than that, definitely.I mean, if you had told me this spring that by the time we got close to the end of the summer our group would have nearly doubled, I would have thought you were a pretty bold liar.And that’s not even the craziest part.I mean, if you had told me that Rei would become friends with one of our new neighbors, aka the ones I didn’t even know about until she told me, I would have said you were thinking of a different Rei.I don’t know exactly how everything’s happening, but . . . I’m not going to complain about it.Because it’s good.Because I’m happy.And I think . . . I think she’s happy too.And that means a lot._

Shinji’s eyes followed the direction of his thoughts, and drifted down toward the far end of the pool, where the current inhabitants of the water were all congregated, unaware of their impending ‘doom.’Rei was the closest to the far corner.She seemed to be talking to Asuka and Hikari, all three of them taking a brief rest from swimming, hanging onto the edge, while Kensuke swam a little further out.Shinji wasn’t completely sure, as it was difficult to tell beyond a shadow of a doubt from the distance he was at, but he thought he could see a small smile curling the corners of Rei’s mouth. _Rei smiling while talking to someone else . . . that’s new.But what isn’t new?Everything’s changed.And I think it’s for the better.For all of us._

It seemed that Rei hadn’t only become friends with Asuka, but was also becoming friends with Hikari as well.Asuka, to be certain, had very quickly become friends with the other girl.In the span of a few weeks, Asuka had been integrated into their circle, much like Kaworu had been earlier in the summer.For that matter, Rei had become a real member of their friend group, rather than Shinji’s sister who had occasionally joined them in the past, but had interacted as little as possible on said occasions.Shinji was still wrapping his head around the changes that had occurred.The most difficult ones to acclimate to were certainly those in Rei’s demeanor. _Rei being social isn’t something I thought I’d ever see.Not really.I mean, she came along sometimes when I would invite her, but I’ve always had the feeling it was because she knew I worried about her being lonely, and that she wanted to make me feel better.Now . . . she actually seems like she wants to be here.Like she’s happy to be here.I mean, when Hikari messaged the group to invite us over, she actually replied.Sure, that seems inconsequential, and it’s easy to overlook, but a month ago, I don’t think she would have replied.She might have come, but she probably would’ve just mentioned to me that she wanted to come along.I don’t know what shifted things— well, I guess I know_ _who_ _shifted things.I just don’t know how she did it._

Shinji’s contemplation was brought to a sudden end as Toji enacted his plan, merrily leaping into the pool near Kensuke with as much energy as possible.Shinji was glad that they were all in the deep end, considering the force with which Toji came down.Of course, the resulting impact with the surface resulted in a considerable disturbance, substantial volumes of water spraying, sloshing, and rushing up in every direction from ‘ground zero.’Kensuke was absolutely drenched, to the point where even the portion of him that wasn’t submerged looked to be equal parts water and human.The trio along the side faired slightly better, but only slightly.They too were thoroughly doused. 

As expected, this had the immediate effect of provoking Hikari’s ‘rage’ (which, though in this case referred to the moderately affectionate brand of anger she reserved for her boyfriend, was still an appropriate term).Shinji could hear Asuka joining in on the retaliation too as he closed his eyes, scooting further onto the pool chair on which he was seated and reclining back.The chorus of yelling (emanating from all involved parties), was enough for him to get a pretty good picture of what was happening, even without observing it visually.He had seen the scenario play out before; he knew how it went.Almost on cue, he heard the distinctive noise of a veritable barrage of splashing, likely payback on the part of the affronted individuals.This was followed by Hikari promising to “shave off that demon beard” (her not-inaccurate title for Toji’s truly loathsome goatee endeavor), and Asuka asking if she could “grab a bucket so we can drown him” (the logistics of which Shinji wasn’t entirely certain on), an idea to which both Hikari and Kensuke wholeheartedly consented.This was followed by an ongoing tirade of theatrical threats, declarations, indignation, and the like (the usual fare when it came to anything involving the flamboyant trio of Hikari, Toji, and Kensuke, a grouping which Shinji wondered if might need to be amended to include Asuka as well).

Shinji cracked his eyes open as he heard the sounds of several people climbing out of the pool, splashing water across the poolside area as they ran.He watched as Toji sprinted out into the yard proper, a fairly spacious green beyond the pool, leading up into the forested area behind the house, with Hikari (a boogie board in hand, which Shinji was somewhat concerned she might be intending to use as a club), Kensuke (brandishing a pool noodle as if it were a pike, a weapon with which Shinji was only familiar because of said individual), and Asuka (somehow carrying a bucket apparently filled with water, a choice which Shinji deemed to be the most reasonable out of the three ‘arsenals,’ even if its intended purpose was supposedly drowning) close behind.Shinji did not fail to note that Rei was still poolside, sitting with her legs dipped into the water, monitoring the chase as it unfolded.This didn't come as a particular surprise to Shinji.Rei wasn’t exactly the sort to engage in mad dashes across yards, with the objective of running down and ‘vanquishing’ a nemesis.In addition, she didn’t seem particular incensed by the fact that she too had been soaked by Toji’s explosive entry to the pool.On the contrary, her demeanor, or at least, what Shinji could make of it, suggested a very different mood.Rei was outright grinning as she watched the race.Shinji blinked several times in quick succession, thinking at first that his eyes were deceiving him.The image remained consistent with each reopening.Shinji was more than a little nonplussed.He couldn’t remember a time in recent memory when his sister had looked as happy as she did now.He closed his eyes once more, deciding he had seen enough.All the same, he found his own expression mirroring Rei’s.

Only a few seconds passed, however, before Shinji’s eyes were jerked open once again.This time, the action was instigated by the nearby sound of a voice which had become instantly recognizable to Shinji.“Well, I see I’ve missed a few things.”

“You could say that,” Shinji confirmed as he glanced over to Kaworu.He promptly froze, his eyes widening more than he would have liked to admit.A faint blush resurfaced on his cheeks.In the preceding ‘excitement,’ he had all but forgotten exactly why he had been waiting to get in the pool.His memory was instantaneously jogged.Kaworu had now arrived, and falling in line with Toji’s earlier commentary, was very much shirtless.As such, Shinji found it rather difficult to meet Kaworu’s gaze.In fact, he found it rather difficult to look at much of anything above Kaworu’s collarbone, give or take a centimeter.This state of affairs would perhaps have been avoided, had Shinji ever seen Kaworu shirtless before.However, this was not to be.In what had in essence become an unspoken agreement, neither of them had rushed into taking things faster than felt right for both of them.Considering Shinji’s past unfortunate experiences in the relationship department, the pace that had so far felt appropriate to him was a rather slow one.This was all to say that the two of them had never been a situation together that involved either one of them lacking (or removing, for that matter), a shirt.The result of this then, was that Shinji’s brain came dangerously close to a full system shutdown for a moment (an event which Kaworu seemed to be rather good at initiating in Shinji’s mind, if their previous makeout sessions were any indication).

_Wow.Yeah.Wow.That’s a good word for it.I mean, I didn’t expect him to be this . . . uh . . . well-formed? Uhhhh . . . chiseled?No, that sounds like he’s a sculpture or something.Ummm . . . delicious?No, dammit, he’s not food!Umm . . . wow, wow . . . unnfff.Function brain!Don’t die on me now!I mean, yes, I could die happy now, but still no!But those abs . . . mmmmmmm.Dammit!Why am I like this?Great, time to try to play that off . . . I really hope he doesn’t read too much into this. . . I don’t wanna have to make up some terrible, obviously false explanation.Really don’t.I mean, I know this might look a little bit — wait, speaking of looking . . . SHIT!!!He’s definitely going to notice that you haven’t made eye contact yet, and that you’re looking at his stomach like it’s a fillet of tuna and you’re a cat—terrible metaphor!!Where did you come up with that?!That’s abysmal!Focus, focus!Pull your mind out of the . . . umm . . . stop it!If you keep this up, you’re probably going to start drooling or some shit!Stop objectifying your boyfriend!Now, look!Up!At his face!His face, nothing else!_

In a rapid, jerky motion, Shinji snapped his head up to look directly at Kaworu’s face.In unison with this, Kaworu, remarked, as casual and smooth as ever, “You know Shinji, my eyes are up here.In case you forgot.”

Shinji’s face essentially caught fire, transforming into something akin to a tomato in color.A playful smile darted about Kaworu’s lips as he observed his boyfriend’s embarrassment.Shinji was quite sure that waves of heat were quite literally emanating from his skin, as though he had morphed into some sort of human volcano.He was half afraid that magma (or the verbal equivalent of it) would spew from his mouth if he tried to speak.All the same, as Kaworu cocked an eyebrow and regarded Shinji in clear amusement, Shinji decided that prolonging the silence would only further contribute to the utter demise of his dignity.“Hi-hi, Kaworu,” he stuttered out, his tongue deciding to be just as uncooperative as the rest of his body.

An imitation of a concerned expression manifested across Kaworu’s brow.He crouched down alongside Shinji and regarded him carefully.“You don’t look so good there baby,” he stated, sounding suddenly like a debonair ‘gentleman’ character who had walked straight out of the pages of an Austen novel.“Are you sure you’re alright?Could the heat be getting to you?”With this last question, his voice dropped to a deeper, more dangerous register. 

Shinji was almost sure he was sweating harder than ever.Gulping, he tried his best to even out his voice to something vaguely coherent, and not mindless babbling.Tittering nervously, he answered, “Uh . . . maybe you’re right.Guess I should probably get in the pool to cool off.”His forced laughter dragged off nervously. _Is it just me, or is my heartbeat accelerating like someone hit the gas?Nope, definitely not just me.Farewell sweet life, it was good while it lasted.But, if there’s one last thing I’d like to see before I pass from this cruel, cold world, it’s what I’m looking at right— oh, not again!Why does this always happen?!Why is it so easy for him to do this to me?On second thought, why is he so damn — Nope, stop right there!Those are some dangerous thoughts.Think of water.Cold water.Cold showers.Ice.The opposite of abs that look like — DAMMIT!!Agghhhhhh.STOOOOPPPPP._

Kaworu’s smirk had grown in its intensity, developing from subtle to conspicuous.“Oh, Shinji, my dear, you look like you’re positively burning up!I think you might have a fever!”

Shinji’s palms flew up defensively, albeit with a slight shudder in them as well.“Nope, uhh, heh, I’m good!Haha, no fever here!Definitely not!I am perfectly healthy!Trust me!”

Kaworu shook his head disapprovingly, practically tut-tutting in doubt.“I don’t know baby, I think I’d rather you were safe than sorry.I mean, what would we do if you ended up with heatstroke?Unacceptable!”He paused, and leaned in closer to Shinji, extending a hand.“Here, just let me feel your forehead.”

_It’s all over.This is the end!It’s all over!I’m finished!Roasted!Broiled!Sautéed!Flambéed!Done for!He’s about to—_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for leaving this on a cliffhanger (well, as much of a cliffhanger as you can get in a fic that's pure fluffety fluff), but the temptation was too strong for me to resist! xD
> 
> Don't worry, the next part should be up shortly. *Announcer voice*: Will Shinji survive Kaworu's antics? Will Toji escape the collective wrath of the crew? Will Asuka get to weaponize her water bucket? Tune in next time to find out! (*cue the dramatic music*).
> 
> Anyhow, thanks for reading! If you made it this far, feel free to leave a comment. I always appreciate feedback of any sort!


	2. The Eyes Have It (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, this chapter picks up immediately from where the last one left off. For chapters which are part of the same "episode," so to speak, they'll generally start pretty close to where the preceding one ends.

A earsplitting whoop broke the moment, and averted Shinji’s unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on what portion of his brain you asked) fate.Kaworu recoiled, rising back to his feet (more out of surprise at the unexpected sound than apprehension or displeasure, Shinji assumed, considering Kaworu looked downright disappointed at the interruption) and turned to search for the source of the battlecry, an action Shinji mirrored.It didn’t take long to locate said source.

It appeared as though Toji had climbed one of the trees at the edge of the woods to escape his pursuers.Kensuke was climbing up after him, chanting what sounded like an amended version of “We Will Rock You,” with the lyrics ‘drown you’ substituted into the hook.Shinji assumed Kensuke was also responsible for the earlier shout.Asuka and Hikari had both paused at the base of the tree, looking as though they had reached the limit of their interest in ‘punishing’ Toji.All the same, they were watching the two Stooges continue the now elevated pursuit.Asuka’s bucket lay toppled on the ground nearby.Shinji briefly wondered if it had served its purpose well or not.The boogie board lay beside it.Shinji hoped Hikari hadn’t utilized it.

Hikari held the pool noodle that Kensuke had previously wielded.As Shinji watched, she shouted up to Kensuke, “Let me know when you get close enough!I’ll toss it up to you!”

“Alright,” Kensuke shot back.“I’ll let you know when I’m ready to melee!”

“You all are nuts!,” Toji protested from a higher branch.“I’m surrounded by murderous miscreants!Is there no justice in this harsh hellscape?!”

“Can it Shakespeare!,” Asuka yelled back.“You’re going down!”

“You’ll never defeat this valiant knight!I shall serve the light until I fall!,” Toji proclaimed zestfully.“I laugh in the face of danger!”

Shinji’s glance slid over to Kaworu.The ash-haired boy looked firmly fixated on the spectacle. _Now’s my chance!_

Shinji hastily bounced out of his seat and dashed past Kaworu, skirting along the pool side until there was a slight distance between his boyfriend and he.Kaworu snapped his gaze away from the tree as Shinji slid past him.When he came to a stop, Shinji noted that Kaworu no longer looked quite as enthusiastic and playfully.He inclined his head in the direction of the drama.“Should we try to break that up?,” he asked, a note of worry in his voice.

Shinji furrowed his brow momentarily, before shaking his head slowly.“No, I think it’ll work out.Toji’s pretty capable.”

Kaworu didn’t look all that swayed.“Really?Capable enough that he can fall from trees with minimal injury?”

Shinji tilted his head, rolling his lips around as he thought.“Well, you’d be surprised.He’s pretty good at not falling out of trees.”

Kaworu blinked, and then gave a lackluster nod.“I’ll trust your experience.”

Shinji nodded in return, before turning back toward the tree debacle.“I mean, just look.”

Kaworu followed Shinji’s gaze back to the scene.They both discovered it had change quite substantially in a mere manner of seconds.Somehow, Toji was no longer in the tree, but was instead racing back across the yard toward the house and pool, Asuka and Hikari once again both chasing after him.Shinji noted that their weapons had been retrieved as well.Kensuke, on the other hand, was still halfway up the tree, looking altogether perplexed.His ‘weapon’ (aka the pool noodle) had ended up stuck in the branches of another tree.

Shinji couldn’t help but break out into a small grin as he saws Kaworu’s eyes widen, even if it was only a minute amount, one which Shinji wouldn’t have likely been able to see if he had been any further away.“Ah, I see what you mean,” composed the entirety of Kaworu’s verbal response.

“Swimming’s never boring with us,” Shinji offered as an ‘answer’ of sorts.

“You don’t say.”

A moment later, Toji flew past the pool, making a bee line for the backdoor.“You better not!,” Hikari shouted at his back.“You tread all your filth and water in the house, and you’re toast!”

“Then toast I shall be!,” Toji countered gleefully.He flung open the door and vanished within the house.Hikari and Asuka disappeared through the portal next, looking just as damp as Toji had appeared to be.

“Well, that was . . . intriguing,” Kaworu observed.

“Yep,” Shinji agreed, sitting and submerging his legs up to his knees.“Anyway, now that the pool’s one hundred percent less crazy, I’m getting in,” he announced as he slid into the water.

Kaworu glanced down at his boyfriend.“You know, that sounds like an excellent suggestion.”

“I have them from time to time,” Shinji confirmed.“Every so often.” 

“I’d say a little more frequently than that,” Kaworu contradicted.

Shinji shrugged equivocally, uncomfortably with accepting the compliment graciously.He found his eyes wandering down to the other end of the pool, where he discovered that Rei was conspicuously absent.His brow folded inward.

“Hey, do you know where Rei went?,” he inquired of Kaworu as the other boy mimicked Shinji’s early posture, partially submerging his legs as he perched on the pool’s edge.

“She headed inside once she spotted the others moving in that direction,” Kaworu answered candidly.“Beat them to the punch, if you will.”

Shinji paused, taking in this new information, temporarily confounded.“Oh.I didn’t see her go . . .”

Kaworu nodded in consensus.“I think you’re off the hook for being distracted.Some things tend to draw attention.”He motioned off toward the wooded portion of the yard in unison with this comment.Shinji looked toward the direct area and saw that Kensuke was now preparing to climb the tree in which the pool noodle was stuck. 

Shinji let a small chuckle slip out in spite of himself.“I guess you have a point.”He looked back over his shoulder at Kaworu.“But you noticed?”

“I’ve been told I’m too perceptive for my own good,” Kaworu answered equably, although the impression of a grin in his cheeks betrayed that the response might not be wholly truthful.

“Really?,” Shinji asked, allowing a matching imprint of wit to find its way onto his countenance.

“Yep.Time and time again.I try to tell people otherwise, but they just won’t listen.”Kaworu shook his head in assumed disappointment.“It’s a sad state of affairs.”

Shinji pretended to commiserate.“I’m sure it is.It’s a rough life like that.”

“Indeed,” Kaworu agreed, a downright melancholic bend to his mien.“Anyhow,” he continued with significantly more levity, “I think it’s time for some swimming.”

Shinji bopped his head jovially, but then jerked to an abrupt halt.“Wait.”

Kaworu, who had begun to slide off the tile and into the pool itself, froze partway through the motion, looking rather redolent of a cinema-goer on the edge of his or her seat.“What?,” he asked, solicitude springing into his voice.Teetering for an instant, he pushed himself back from his precarious position between land and sea.

“Don’t you want to take off your contacts first?,” Shinji probed, a slight edge of unease in his voice.“I’ve heard it’s bad to get water in them.Especially when it’s filled with chlorine and all that.Just a thought.”

Kaworu stared at Shinji for a moment, his expression dissolving into blankness.Shinji stared back, the anxiety in his comportment growing more pronounced in Kaworu’s silence.“Did I say something wrong?,” Shinji asked tentatively, looking quite concerned that the answer would in fact be a definitive ‘yes.’

Kaworu’s lips brushed against one another, making it look as though he very much wanted to form words, but couldn’t find the breath to do so.After a few moments, he resolved his tension with a gentle sigh, shaking his head.“No.You didn’t.”He fell silent for another brief second, then carried on.“Shinji, I’m not wearing contacts.”

Shinji’s brow knitted together, twisting in toward the plain above his nose, carving it out into an angular valley.“You’re not? . . . But your . . . Your eyes—“

“My irises are red,” Kaworu stated tersely, bringing Shinji’s verbal stumbles to an end.The brevity of the statement belied the worry Shinji was fairly certain he could make out within the recesses of the eyes in question.

“Oh.”Shinji grappled about for words.“I didn’t know,” he finished lamely.

“Most people don’t nowadays,” Kaworu remarked.

“I didn’t realize that people could have red eyes,” Shinji responded, already mentally lambasting himself as his mouth snapped shut. _Why the hell did you just say that?Kaworu looks worried right now.He never looks worried.So this is the one thing that bothers him, and you go and say stupid shit like that.Brilliant, just brilliant!Think before you open your mouth, Shinji!Seriously!_

“I mean, not that it’s a bad thing or anything,” Shinji hurriedly rushed out.“I just—“

Kaworu raised a palm to cut Shinji off.“You don’t need to explain.I understand.It’s not . . . standard.”

Shinji nodded quickly, but kept his words to a minimum.“Yeah.Right.”

“I prefer to let people think I’m wearing contacts,” Kaworu elucidated.“It’s easier that way.Along with my hair, it’s believable.Funny that people are more willing to accept a supposedly ‘unnatural’ look when it's created, rather than inherent.”

“People are . . . strange like that,” Shinji offered cautiously.

“Yep,” Kaworu concurred frankly.

“So, is your, is your hair—“

“It’s naturally grey,” Kaworu confirmed before Shinji could finish his question.

“Okay then,” Shinji nodded, accepting this fact.

“I’ll try to explain.” Kaworu began.

Shinji’s palm shot out.“You don’t need to.Really.It’s okay,” he said resolutely.

“But I would like to,” Kaworu responded.“Or at least, as much as I can.”

“Are you sure?I don’t want you to do it just because—“

“I’m sure,” Kaworu asserted.“You deserve to know.””

“Alright,” Shinji consented sincerely.

Kaworu’s eyes flitted into the middle distance for a moment, before returning to Shinji’s as he began to speak.“I don’t have a truly satisfying explanation, I’m afraid.Doctors couldn’t explain it as anything other than a deviance in the pigment, or a lack thereof in my hair.Not having anything hereditary to go on only complicated things further.No records, no family to track down.A blank slate in terms of possible sources of information.”

“I’m sorry,” Shinji offered, frowning.

“No need to apologize for something that’s not your fault,” Kaworu assured him.“Thank you though . . . for the sentiment.”

“Anytime,” Shinji responded, a sad smile warping his lips.

Kaworu looked down at the tile beside him as he continued speaking, tracing the pattern in it with a fingertip.“My story sounds like something out of a novel sometimes.”He flung a glance over in Shinji’s direction once more.“As to whether it’s a good novel or not, that’s rather subjective.Think along the lines of mass market teen fiction.”

Shinji was uncertain as to how he should take this, and offered no response as a result, merely listening as Kaworu moved on.“It seems likely I was born in Germany.I have no memory to say if that is the case for sure.I was discovered by workers in a disused apartment complex that was scheduled to be demolished.”Kaworu’s voice grew increasingly monotoned as he spoke, losing emotion and inflection.“No one was able to determine who abandoned me there, or why.It is possible my appearance was part of it.I am certain there are those who, after discovering their infant possessed red eyes, would interpret it as some mark of evil, or something equally superstitious.Either way, I was discarded.”He clipped the sentence off curtly, the words harsh and dead.

Shinji looked at Kaworu with glistening eyes, his face contorted in empathy.Kaworu remained stoic, almost detached from the information he was relaying.Shinji reached up his hand and took one of Kaworu’s limp palms into it, squeezing gently, in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.“Don’t say that,” he requested softly.

“It’s the truth,” Kaworu said in reply.

Shinji found that he lacked a response to this that didn’t sound overly contrived or insincere, even within the echo chamber of his mind.Instead of words, he simply squeezed tighter, meeting Kaworu’s gaze and doing his best to convey his feelings through touch and sight alone.It seemed that the strategy worked to some extent, as Kaworu squeezed back, before interlacing his fingers with Shinji’s own digits.Kaworu exhaled adagio, releasing a breath that he had apparently been holding in, and proceed to speak once more.“I was in the system there for several years before I was adopted by my mothers when my mother was stationed there.”He deigned not to elaborate on this any further, falling silent once more.Shinji decided it was better not to pry, beyond garnering what he could from this based on what he already knew.Instead, he allowed the silence to hold steady for a time, remaining still, and yet connected all the same.“I prefer not to think about it often,” Kaworu revealed, filling the audible space once more.“The memories are hazy . . . and not wholly pleasant.”

Shinji dipped his head, caressing Kaworu’s closest knuckle with the thumb of his interwoven hand.“I understand.”

When Kaworu spoke again, he navigated the topic back to its original nature.“My eyes and my hair were common cause for spite.”A dry bit of jest filtered into his next statement: “The disparate brings out the best in people, it seems.”

“It’s infuriating,” Shinji concurred in a voice that conveyed his own personal experiences in observations through the exhaustion with which it was thick.

“It improved though.Once I was old enough to pass it off as a style.High school hasn’t been as bad.”

Shinji angled back his neck to take in Kaworu’s expression.The ashen-haired boy appeared meditative, rather than despondent.“That’s good.I’m glad.”

Kaworu regarded Shinji pensively, searching across his face, and at last smiled gradually, as if he had found something for which he had been looking.“That’s probably the best ‘short version’ I can offer,” Kaworu admitted sardonically.“I’d rather not ruin the mood entirely.”

Shinji shook his head purposefully.“You wouldn’t.”

“All the same, I’ll hold off on more.”

Shinji nodded, assenting to this.“Okay.”He refrained from speech briefly, before adding, “Thank you.”

“For what?,” Kaworu asked, still fairly ruminative, the jocularity of earlier remaining absent for the moment.

“For telling me,” Shinji clarified.

“You’re welcome.”Kaworu’s tone enlivened as he continued.“You know, I think it’s about time we do some actual swimming.How ‘bout you?”

“I suppose so,” Shinji agreed with a nod, while doing his best to brighten his own bearing in accordance with Kaworu’s shift.

“Fantastic,” Kaworu returned, the introspection departed from his disposition.“So, what do you say?Am I allowed in the pool now?”His eyes were lit with wit once more.

“I think you should definitely get in the pool,” Shinji replied with genuine warmth, only partly subdued by the lingering weight of the previous moments.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”Unraveling his hand from Shinji’s grasp, Kaworu pushed off from his seat and sank into the water alongside his boyfriend.“Hmm . . . I wonder,” he began in what seemed to be contemplation, though Shinji was able to immediately discern that unlike Kaworu’s earlier sentiment, this was merely an act, rather than the real thing.“Now that we have the pool all to ourselves, what should we do?”The question fell suggestively, courtesy of the moderately provocative intonation with which Kaworu imbued his voice as he asked it.

Shinji ran into some difficulty answering this query.His face was abruptly heading back in the direction of mimicking a tomato (a skill he had developed considerable proficiency in since his first interaction with Kaworu), but had so far only achieved the hue of a ripening apple (a deeper, more reserved in comparison to the ostentatious pigmentation possessed by the aforementioned tomato).“Ummm, uhh—“

“My, my Shinji,” Kaworu commented in a caricature of a ‘refined’ English accent , “Your vocabulary is unparalleled.I’m impressed time and time again.With each new speech, you reach unprecedented levels of insight and wisdom.But please, don’t demur here.I tell you truly, I must know,” his voice became even more cloyingly dramatic in short order, taking on all the trappings of a talented thespian, “Was this your intention all along?To get me alone in a pool with you?Was that your stratagem from the very inception of this fine occasion?And here I thought you were an upright individual!If only I had known you were such a scheming rapscallion!To think, you would take advantage of me like this!To lure me in with such a cunning setup, until I played right into your waiting fingers!”

Shinji’s face achieved tomato status, and then some.“I, uhhh, I don’t think . . .”

“Oh, but you see,” Kaworu carried on in the same melodramatic impression, “You underestimated my own interests.You see, I harbored the same desires as you all along.Please, let me enlighten you as to the extent of my passions. . .”

Shinji struggled to remember how language worked.“Ummmmm . . .”

“Indeed,” Kaworu concurred.Reaching a hand out to cradle Shinji’s cheek affectionately, he bent in—

“WE WILL, WE WILL, DROWN YOU!!!!” The renewed anthem carried across the yard, borne on a raucous bellow, one which was rapidly approaching.Shinji and Kaworu lurched, their foreheads colliding, alarmed by the sudden uproar.They hastily jerked backwards, extracting their briefly-impacted craniums, momentarily stunned.

They both looked over to the source of the bellowing, rubbing their foreheads in near-sync, in time to see Kensuke race past, reclaimed pool noodle in hand, heading for the door, belting out the repeated lyric with very little attention to pitch or timbre.

Kaworu glared after the other boy as he entered the house.“Marvelous.Marvelous,” he opined dryly.

“Ummmm,” was all Shinji managed to field in response.He had surpassed a tomato, and now looked most akin to a dazzling garnet, resplendent in his discomfiture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note, to clear up any confusion when Kaworu talks about his mothers and mother singular back to back in the same sentence: as mentioned earlier in the series in "Earthly Spring," Kaworu's parents in this AU are Ritsuko and Maya Akagi (because this is a happier AU, and the only person who's still a not-so-great individual is Gendo). He calls Ritsuko "mother," and Maya "mom." So when he mentions his mother being stationed in Germany, he's referring to Ritsuko.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading everyone! If you enjoyed it, I would really appreciate feedback. I know I flipped the tone in this chapter from silly to serious for a short while, and I'm curious what people thought of it (as to whether it worked alright or not; whether it seemed forced, etc).


	3. Heart of the Sunrise (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji couldn’t help but giggle at this. “My mission, should I choose to accept it, huh?”  
> Kaworu nodded. “Don’t worry, I promise it won’t involve any exploding tapes."
> 
> ~~~~~
> 
> Kaworu's a morning person. Shinji . . . eh, not so much. But Kaworu still manages to convince his boyfriend to drive across town at 5 AM. It turns out that some things are worth waking up early for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a Kawoshin episode! Yes, I'll admit it, I'm a complete sucker for this ship xD. Anyhow, hope you enjoy this fluff.

The light which worked its way down through the green laden boughs above had a soft, nuanced texture, as if tempered by some filtration system within the canopy. The result was a pleasant degree of illumination that brought out the colors of the ground cover. By all appearances, it was spring, as there were numerous bushes and shrubs flowering, forming a floral rainbow on either side of the trail. Shinji recognized the scene. It was an adaptation of a trail he had walked before, a place he had visited with his father when he was a child, now lost to time and distance. Part of that conflicted blur that encapsulated the years of his life prior to adolescence. 

It seemed probable though, that the memory was only the framework. There were new elements he couldn’t recall when he summoned the recollection, aged for nearly a decade though it was, to mind. The stream running in between the trunks further down the hillside was familiar; the lake visible through gaps in the trees, somewhere below the slope, was not. The music was most definitely a product of the dreamscape. As far as Shinji knew, landscapes didn’t come with their own soundtrack, courtesy of Beethoven’s 6th Symphony. Though it was a welcome addition to the environment. An appropriation selection on the part of his unconscious mind. Glancing about, sucking the full range of his surroundings, Shinji decided to test the extent of his agency within this REM-world. Stepping forward on the path, he set off in the direction that edged toward the lake below, through a series of switchbacks along the incline. He was curious to see his mind’s handiwork. 

He was not a stranger to lucid dreams. He found himself in one from time to time, though not by any concerted act of his own. It was an event which merely occurred, seemingly of its accord. He had never interrogated why it happened. Something in his mind coaxed him away from doing so. It whispered an unspoken uncertainty into his ears: that if he ever questioned the methods of his mind, they might alter accordingly, and shift away from the dreams. And that was something he wanted to avoid. In a way, the dreams were something he treasured.

Unlike most of his dreams, Shinji found that he often retained some memory of the dreams in which he possessed a degree of awareness and agency. He could still recall the first time he had experienced such a dream. He had flown atop the back of a gargantuan bird in it, like something pulled straight from the pages of a fantasy novel. At the same time though, he had known it was a dream, and this had seemingly given him the power to control his actions within it. It had been a strange, but not unpleasant, ordeal.

When Shinji reached the base of slope, he found that the trees gave way to a beach of sorts, that bordered the edges of the water. The sun here was brighter, but not to the point of harshness. The surface of the lake was glass-like, and nearly pristine, with only the slightest ripple here and there betraying its true nature. Rays of light dazzled over the still surface, skating across it as though it had turned to ice in spite of the heat. It was, in a word, idyllic. There was no hint of anything that might seek to disturb or overturn the tranquil status. The wind was minor, providing only a gentle movement of air, just enough to mitigate any potential sweat brought on by the exposure to the sunlight. Shinji found it rather amusing that the habitat seemed to have been crafted with climate control integrated in, but he wasn’t about to argue with the workings of his subconscious. _Don’t look a gift breeze in the mouth - er, direction? Something like that._

He strolled out until he was directly by the water’s edge. Casting his eyes around, he found a conveniently present log that just so happened to occupy a spot not far from his location. _A seat? For me? You really should’ve have._ He took it all the same. For a piece of wood sheathed in bark, it was remarkable comfortable. Not that this fact was particularly surprising to Shinji by this point. _You know, I really do appreciate dreams that feel, well . . . restful. It makes a certain kind of sense. And I like that sense._

Concurrent with that thought, things went awry. Without warning, a second selection was added to the setting’s soundscape. Syncopated piano chords playing a distinctively jazzy melody rang out loud, in harsh contrast to the Pastoral Symphony. An alto sax quickly joined in with the piano, a ride bell keeping time in the background. Shinji popped to his feet and looked around rapidly, his head pivoting atop his neck, a bit unnerved, the dissonance grating in his ears. Neither of the clashing compositions had any discernible point of origin. Rather, they seemed to inhabit the totality of the space, emerging from everywhere and nowhere simultaneously, with comparable presence and volume. The result was an auditory cacophony. “What the hell?,” he exclaimed, the calm of moments before suddenly glaringly absent.

Shinji slapped his hands firmly to the side of his heads, trying to block out the offending noise, but found it was all still far too audible. In fact, he half thought the jazz piece was getting even louder. _But that’s not possible. Unless I’m_ —

~~~~~

Shinji reached up and sandwiched his head deeply into his pillow, encircling it with the plush texture, in hopes of obscuring the sound that was still irritatingly present. This failed to do much. The song was still playing, what he thought sounded like the same part repeating over and over again, ceaseless and merciless in its assault. He searched his half-conscious mind, trying to decipher what was happening. In his state of only partial awareness, he failed to locate any suitable answers. Groaning groggily, a bassy sound that rolled around in the back of his throat before percolating up and out of his parted lips, he extracted himself from the confines of his pillowy cocoon. He flopped over onto his back abruptly, and then proceeded by flinging his arms out until he lay spread eagle, his top sheet clinging to his upper torso here and there, but for the most part, cast aside by the convulsive movements.

This task accomplished, he set about prying his eyes open. They were somewhat reticent to do so, but he compelled them to the work nonetheless. They cracked to reveal the dark ceiling of his room, lit vaguely by a dim shaft of white light shooting upward from somewhere beside his bed, as well as the slimmest of glows from where he knew his window was. _Well, it’s definitely not morning yet. So why am I awake, huh? And why does the same part of that song just keep playing._

Attuning his ears to the sound of the song in question, which was emanating from a similar location to the shaft of light, Shinji noted that the song itself was accompanied by a steady vibration, which underpinned the melodic components of the track. Furthermore, he could tell beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was indeed only a small portion of a song, reiterating itself time and time again. _I know I know it! What is it? It sound’s like something that Kaworu would like—_

It was then that Shinji’s mind began functioning more effectively, and realization dawned on him. Pushing himself hurriedly up into a sitting position, he reached out and retrieved his lit, pulsating phone from where it was charging on his nightstand. _Of course I forgot to turn my ringer. Great, just great._ Glaring grumpily at the light which spilled over his face, causing his eyes to diminish to slits as they tried to escape the sudden brightness, he took in the contents of the screen. These contents prompted a minor cascade of thoughts.

_It’s 5:02. I don’t have work until 11. Why am I getting a call? And better yet, why is Kaworu the one calling me? Why is he awake? The only reason why anyone would call at this hour would probably be if it was serious. As in, emergency level of serious! Which means that—_

Accepting the call without any further deliberation, Shinji brought the phone to his ear. “Hello,” he murmured, his voice coming out dry and sleep-drenched.

“Hey Shinji, how’s it going?” Kaworu sounded considerably more awake, his smooth baritone downright pleasant. Shinji couldn’t help but be the tiniest bit irked by this. _No one should sound that awake, and furthermore, that happy to be awake, at this time of night — well, morning, I suppose. Technically._ Shinji was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a morning person. His definition of early during the semester was whenever he had to wake up in time in order to make it to school. His definition of early during the summer was whenever he had to wake up in order to make it to work. Today then, his definition of early was nine-thirty. Anytime before that was the time for sleep. At least, so his philosophy went.

_He doesn’t sound upset though. Which hopefully means it’s not an emergency. Which is a positive._

“Ummm . . .” Shinji did his best to compose a suitable response, his mind still a little too tired to carry on much of a coherent conversation. He settled on, “Fine,” promptly stifled a yawn that threatened to sneak out after the monosyllable.

“You sound tired,” Kaworu observed. “Did I wake you up?”

“Uhhh, maybe,” Shinji answered in an enervated tone.

“Oh,” Kaworu paused. “Sorry about that. Sometimes I forget you’re more of a night owl.” His apology came across as sincere, a genuine note of concern in his voice.

“Don’t worry about it,” Shinji mumbled out, doing his best to assure his boyfriend. He didn’t think he sounded particularly convincing, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. “What’s up?,” he inquired slowly.

“Well, actually,” Kaworu replied, “I was wondering if you could stop by my place.”

Shinji rubbed his eyes, still crusted over from his slumber. “Wheeenn?,” he slurred through another yawn.

“Now,” Kaworu clarified without hesitation, sounding effortlessly exuberant, while retaining his unmistakable brand of urbanity.

“Now?,” Shinji echoed, a bit of disbelief creeping stealthily into his tone before he could shoo it away.

“Now,” Kaworu repeated, not faltering for an instant. “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Shinji rolled out a kink that had crept into his neck during the night. _Must have slept on it wrong._ “Is everything okay?” His anxiety had begun to reignite. Fortunately, Kaworu was quick to dismiss it.

“Oh yeah, everything’s fine. Don’t worry. I just have something I was hoping you could help me with.” Shinji almost expected such an ambiguous sentence to be framed suggestively, especially given the time, but Kaworu presented it without any such implications, at least from what Shinji could glean from the tone of the ashen-haired boy’s voice. _It sounds like he actually wants me to help him with something. At 5:00 in the morning. Uhh? Kaworu, why are you a morning person?_

Shinji blinked. “Oh. Okay . . . what exactly?”

“Well . . . it a bit of a surprise,” Kaworu demurred, somehow managing to sound as suave as ever while doing so (something which never ceased to impress Shinji. Kaworu could probably spin almost anything and make it sound as thought it enhanced or corroborated his seemingly fluent composure, regardless of how much the statement seemed at odds with his image). “I think you’ll like it though.” Once again, none of this sounded as though it hid any double meanings. It appeared an upfront request. _Maybe he’s using the vocal equivalent of a poker face on me. But I don’t really think so._

“A surprise . . .?” Shinji remained more than a little tentative in his response. The temptation to go back to sleep was a strong one, especially when he didn’t have an exact concrete reason to fully enter the waking world. ‘A surprise’ wasn’t the most persuasive thing to Shinji prior to six o’clock in the morning. Sleep, on the other hand, had a stellar argument, primarily based around its existence, and the sheer beauty that promised. Though, at the same time, one side of this debate was represented by Kaworu, which did give it a significant edge. In the end, it was a close matchup.

“I think you’ll like it,” Kaworu elaborated. Shinji could hear a confident, easy smile through the phone. He sighed internally, coming to the conclusion that this was one battle his desire to return to Morpheus’s realm wasn’t going to win. When Kaworu’s confidence was palpable through a speaker, his realm became that much more enticing. _Guess that wasn’t such a hard choice after all._

“Ummm . . . m’kay. I’ll head in that direction.” Shinji didn’t quite have the energy yet to sound enthusiastic, but he made an effort to sound at least positive.

“Fantastic,” Kaworu expressed his approval. “And try to hurry, if you can. There’s sort of a deadline we need to meet.”

Shinji brows formed a furrow down the middle of his forehead. “A deadline?”

“For lack of a better term,” Kaworu said, without providing any real explanation, all the while sounding as collected as ever.

“Uhh . . . alright.” Shinji wasn’t sure what he was getting himself into. _I mean, it can’t be bad though, right? I mean, it does involve him . . ._

“Great!” Kaworu sounded pleased. “See you soon!”

“See you soon,” Shinji agreed, his voice lackluster in comparison to his boyfriend’s farewell.

Ending the call, Shinji dropped his phone back onto the nightstand, and hauled himself out of bed. _Time to hurry._

~~~~~

As Shinji shifted his car back into drive and accelerated down the street toward the stop sign, he marveled at the fact that at this time of the morning, the town looked almost uninhabited. All the indicators of life, the infrastructure, the developments, were of course there, but the life itself was deceptively absent. The road was empty, the windows of every house dark. It was possible, for a moment, to imagine that he was alone in the world. Oddly enough, at this particular hour, in this particular setting, that was comforting, though it would normally have been a disconcerting thought. Rather than feeling lonely, Shinji felt as though he had the privilege of being able to enjoy, well, whatever he chose to enjoy, without having to worry about running into anyone else. As he pulled away from the stop sign and pulled out onto the next road, he decided that this was a particularly pleasant metaphor when it came to driving. 

Asherdale didn’t have a rush hour per se (it wasn’t big enough for that), but there were certainly times when the roadways erred on the side of busy. This was exacerbated by the fact that, in the words of Toji, “no one in this town should have passed drivers’ ed, because they suck at driving!” Perhaps not the most academic way to put it, not to mention a somewhat ironic statement coming from Toji (whose driving was best described by the adjective ‘infamous’), but yet, not a wholly false statement either. Driving in Asherdale could at times be . . . an interesting experience. Shinji supposed it must not be nearly as bad as driving in an actual city though (he wouldn’t know, as he hadn’t really traveled much since he got his license), and for that he was grateful, but all the same, his favorite time to drive was late in the evening, when most of the town’s residence had called it a night. As he made his way through the city and counted a grand total of six vehicles sharing the road with him, he decided he might need to alter this preference to, ‘the vague hazy time before dawn, aka morning dusk.’ _I should probably come up with a better name for that though. Is there another name for that time right before the sun comes up? Maybe I should ask Rei. I get the feeling she would know._

~~~~~

Shinji hadn’t been expecting to see Kaworu waiting for his when he pulled up to the curb by the Akagis’ house where he usually parked. He had interrupted ‘stopping by,’ as him coming over to the house, rather than picking up his boyfriend from it. Also the same, it appeared as though this was what Kaworu had in mind, as he strolled over leisurely as Shinji rolled to a stop. Kaworu’s mere presence in the driveway, however, was not what Shinji found the most surprisingly. This (dubious?) honor was reserved for object Kaworu was carrying, which appeared to be a large black box in the dim light from the streetlight. Shinji blinked, momentarily frozen in thought. The spell was broken when Kaworu rapped on the glass. “Permission to board?,” he inquired, the sound somewhat muffled by the window. 

Shaking himself free from his puzzlement, Shinji hastily nodded, smiling apologetically as he punched the button to unlock the doors. Kaworu pulled it open with his freer hand (which Shinji noted still clasped what appeared to be a CD case). He leaned his head into the cab. “Mind if I put this in the backseat?,” he asked. “It’s not exactly lap material.”

Shinji assumed Kaworu was referring to the large black box-like contraption, which he still hadn’t been able to get a good look at. “Oh, yeah, sure,” he hastily responded.

“Cool,” Kaworu remarked. “Here, I’ll let you take this.” He reached in and handed Shinji the CD case. Shinji inspected it as Kaworu secured the as-of-yet-unidentified-box in the backseat. The cover depicted what looked to be a giant vessel of some sort, mildly reminiscent of a crossbow (something Shinji had Kensuke to blame for knowing as much about as he did), flying over the surface of a stylized globe, from which trees emerged in places. What might have been a path, or perhaps a road, crossed over the face of the globe. The title of the album didn’t ring a bell in Shinji’s mind, but he thought the band name might be familiar. _I think Rei listens to them._

Shinji attention was pulled away from the cover as Kaworu slid into the passenger seat, closing the door behind him. Shinji handed the album back to his boyfriend, who accepted it with a wink. “So, ready for our mission?”

“Our mission?,” Shinji queried, an eyebrows creeping up his forehead, while a light blush simultaneously flourished on his cheeks.

“Yep. Our mission,” Kaworu repeated, fastening his seatbelt.

“What exactly would that be?”

“Well, to begin with, we need to get someplace with a good view. Which is why you’re driving. We can both agree you know the area better than I do,” Kaworu answered with a grin.

Shinji laughed at this, smiling back at his boyfriend. His free hand slipped out and brushed against Kaworu’s palm, who gave it a squeeze in return. “Alright, I guess you have a point. What then?,” Shinji inquired, a bit of a blush still on his face.

Kaworu shook his head. “Sorry, but I’m afraid that’s strictly classified. On a need to know basis really. Once we’re at the site, you’ll be briefed in full,” he revealed, giving a fairly good impression of a ‘secret agent director,’ or something of the sort.

Shinji couldn’t help but giggle at this. “My mission, should I choose to accept it, huh?”

Kaworu nodded. “Don’t worry, I promise it won’t involve any exploding tapes,” he disclosed playfully.

“Wow, I feel so lucky,” Shinji replied warmly, playing along.

“I will tell you this much though.” Kaworu leaned in conspiratorially. “It does involve that.” He inclined his head toward the backseat. Shinji followed the gesture, and got a better look at the item in the backseat.

“Umm, Kaworu, is that a . . . boombox?,” Shinji asked skeptically.

“You know it baby,” Kaworu replied with a bright smiled that practically flashed, even in the low light.

“Where did you get a boombox?” Shinji questioned, moderately incredulously.

“Well, that would actually be my mother’s. Straight out of nineteen eighty-six, I believe. A real classic piece of equipment. Durable too.”

Shinji nodded hesitantly, blinking, about as perplexed as he had been before he posed the question.. “Okay . . .” He paused, hoping that Kaworu would take the prompt and provide some further piece of context as to the purpose of the boombox’s presence. When Kaworu showed no signs of doing so, instead staring silently back at Shinji, an entertained quirk in his lips, Shinji decided to take a more direct approach. “. . . Alright then, I’ll take your word for it. But . . . why?”

Kaworu spread his hands mysteriously. “All will be revealed.” He winked, though the gesture came off as more theatrical than provocative, part of the overall act, rather than an attempt to excite.

Shinji turned back to the wheel, a smile on his face from Kaworu’s antics. He sighed, playing into the game a bit himself. “Guess I’ll just have to trust you.” He shook his head in faux disappointment.

“You will indeed,” Kaworu confirmed, his usual nonchalance present. “So, know a place with a view?”

Shinji scratched his temple briefly, before bobbing his head. “You know, I think I do.”

“Excellent. I thought you might.”

“Oh really?” Shinji regarded Kaworu out of the corner of his eye as he reached down with the intent of shifting the car back into drive.

“Yep. I have pretty good intuition when it comes to that sort of thing.” Without any further warning, Kaworu leaned in and planted a kiss, albeit a sweet, chaste one, on Shinji’s cheek. Nevertheless, the effect of this was that Shinji’s blush, which had faded into a lighter pink hue that might simply be mistaken for the natural tint of his face, reignited with a vengeance. It blossomed back to the surface in a rich burgundy shade that all but emanated heat.

“Wh-what was that for?,” Shinji mumbled out, swinging his head to look at Kaworu as his cheeks burned.

Kaworu adopted a perfectly innocent expression, a mask which looked mildly confusing on him. “What do you mean?,” he shot back unassumingly. “A guy can’t give his boyfriend a kiss now and then?”

Shinji fumbled through his reply, “W-well, no, that’s not what I meant, I just, uhh—“

Kaworu’s look of assumed innocence vanished as he replied, in a tone more characteristic (as in, casual, but assertive), “Plus, I wanted to give you a little incentive to get moving. After all, we do have that little deadline to meet.” He winked again, this time filling the movement with a healthier dose of suggestion.

“Oh, uh, yeah, right, right, mmhmm!” Shinji nodded rapidly, quickly assenting to Kaworu’s words, though it didn’t quite look as though he was fully processing them. On the contrary, Shinji’s brain looked like it was having a rousing time of trying to focus on forming rational thoughts, rather than slipping into less-pertinent ones (a truth that Shinji would not readily admit to, but a truth all the same).

“Let’s hit the road!,” Shinji announced, his voice warbling and nervous. He hastily turned back and gripped the wheel tightly, lifting up off the break and depressing the accelerator. The car remained utterly stationary. Shinji’s eyes went wide, nonplussed.

“Just an FYI, we’re still in park,” Kaworu observed cooly. “Now, I don’t pretend to be an automotive expert, but I have a suspicion that might slow things down a bit.”

The red which pulsated across Shinji’s face spread up to his ears. Kaworu thought the analogy of a tomato (one which he often used to describe Shinji’s most ‘vibrant’ or ‘healthy’ blushes), might be falling a bit short at this point. He came to the conclusion that it was time to come up with a more appropriate comparison. The question was, what else was suitably crimson?


	4. Heart of the Sunrise (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second half of "Heart of the Sunrise.” Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> A note on the music: the songs Kaworu and Shinji listen to in this chapter are "Roundabout," the titular "Heart of the Sunrise," and briefly toward the end, "South Side of the Sky," all by the band Yes.

The first portion of the drive passed in pleasant silence. This could be attributed to two primary factors. The first of these was that Shinji was still not awake enough (to say nothing of his rampant embarrassment, which surely also played some part) to initiate a conversation. The second of these was that Kaworu was content with the silence. He enjoyed Shinji’s company, whether they were conversing or not. Sharing the experience of the empty early morning roadways was enough. There was a certain intimacy, of a wholesome variety, to the act. Every so often, when they slowed to a stop at a sign, or were unfortunate enough to get a red light, Kaworu would reach out and take Shinji’s hand into his own, even if only for a fleeting second. Shinji’s palm was warm to the touch, perhaps a side effect of his earlier blush (which was still fading at a sluggish pace, clearly determined to remain as long as possible). When Kaworu first made contact, a small shudder ran through Shinji, as though he had not expected the touch. All the same, he didn’t shy away from it, and the wide smile that filled his face, accompanied by a slight resurgence in his fading flush, was easily observable. The brief brushes and grips that followed failed to elicit any further shudders, but continued to renew the lasting smile on Shinji’s face. Kaworu knew he was smiling as well. He could feel the creases curled into his face, even without consciously directing the motion.

It was Shinji who grew uncomfortable with the length of the silence first. As they turned onto a smaller road, that broke away and wound into a patch of woods, like a tributary from a river, he remarked, “I think you’ll like the ridge.”

Kaworu glanced over at his boyfriend, “That’s where we’re headed, I assume?”

Shinji nodded in confirmation. “Yeah.” A moment later, he continued, “There’s a park up there. They have trails that go further up into the hills. It’s nice. You can see a pretty decent portion of the city from from the ridge's edge.”

“Can you see the sky?,” Kaworu inquired, unconcerned as always.

“What?,” Shinji asked in response, not expecting the question.

“Can you see the sky?,” Kaworu repeated, putting a slight bend into his tone to make the humorous nature of the question apparent. Shinji caught on this time.

“Oh, well, I think so,” he answered with a grin.

“Hmm . . . well, it just might do then.”

“Glad to hear it.”

The road switched back on itself more than once as it edged its way higher, skirting along the curve of the rising elevation. The first traces of dawn could be seen in the sky now, transforming the navy expanse with jets of purple on the horizon. It would undoubtedly not be long before those jets spread wider, unfurling a temporary tapestry of hues into the heavens as the sun flamed into the valley.

“Might want to step on it,” Kaworu commented.

“Uhh . . . okay,” Shinji responded, once again not entirely certain what ‘deadline’ they were attempting to meet. All the same, he picked up the pace a bit more, while also trying to avoid going fast enough that it would become difficult to navigate the twisting roadway. “It’s not exactly a racetrack,” he said, following the remark up with a chuckle, to ensure that the observation wasn’t taken as a retort. Fortunately, Kaworu seemed to appreciate the truth of the comment.

“I suppose you have point there,” Kaworu agreed, as the convoluted path rolled by.

“So,” Shinji began, “How ‘bout some music?”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Kaworu consented genially. “Mind if I give you a little preview of what I brought?”

Shinji shot a quick glance over at his boyfriend, who held the CD from earlier in his hands, before returning his eyes to the road. “Go for it! I’m all ears.”

“Great.” Kaworu popped open the case.

“I don’t think there’s anything in right now, so you should be good,” Shinji advised.

“Alright.”

Shinji’s intuition was proved correct, as Kaworu tested the eject button to no result. He slid his CD into the slot. A moment later, a tone faded in, swelling in volume until it resolved into harmonics. Shinji lips twisted thoughtfully as he took in the intro to the track. He recognized it almost instantly, as something which Rei played from time to time, and which he had listened to on more than one occasion.

The acoustic warmth of the guitar filled the cabin as the plaintive notes rang out, the melody familiar. Kaworu mimed playing along on a keyboard, the rhythms memorized by heart.

“Good choice,” Shinji stated as the track exploded into life, the acoustic introduction giving way to a driving tempo, propelled forward by an energetic bass line.

“Considering what this route looks like so far, I’d say it’s appropriate,” Kaworu responded, a touch of amusement in his voice.

This remark summoned the name of the tune from the depths of Shinji’s mind. “Definitely,” he concurred, the pun of sorts fueling a small snort of a laughter on his part.

The track reached the chorus, crunchy electric chords accompanied by a trilling organ, the movements of which Kaworu mimicked through his fingers. Shinji hummed along, not knowing the song quite well enough to recall all the lyrics.

As the chorus neared its end, Kaworu burst into song, filling the car with his firm baritone. “You’ll see, I’ll be there with you!” He looked over to Shinji as he sang. Shinji didn’t fail to notice the words directed at him, even as he kept his eyes fixed upon the road ahead. His blush wasn’t going away anytime soon. Fortunately, it seemed to have matured from coloration induced by embarrassment to a heat in his face brought on through general happiness. _Oh well. Kaworu obviously doesn’t care. Considering everything he pulls, I’m pretty sure he must thing I’m cute when I blush. So . . . whatever . . ._

The song had just reached a groove-filled organ solo when Shinji slowed the car, and veered from the road, turning into what appeared to be a small, empty parking lot. He slipped the vehicle into one of the free spaces as a harmonized guitar riff rumbled out of the speakers. Kaworu looked just an iota downhearted as he ejected the CD. Shinji raised an eyebrow. “What, were you hoping we’d be able to finish the track?”

Kaworu shrugged, his usual nonchalance back in an instant. “It doesn’t matter. We made good time. That’s what counts.”

Shinji laughed as he shifted and then stopped the car, extracting his keys from the ignition. “Whatever you say. Did we meet your deadline?”

Kaworu glanced up at the sky as he popped open his door and hopped from the car, CD case in hand. “Hmm, it might be close, but I think we can make.”

Shinji followed Kaworu gaze as he too emerged from the car. He felt as though he finally had a pretty good hunch as to what exactly Kaworu’s ‘deadline’ was. “We wouldn’t happen to be trying to beat the sunrise, would we?,” he asked as Kaworu extracted the boombox from the backseat.

“Whatever gives you that idea?” Kaworu put on an innocent facade as he closed the door behind him.

Shinji wasn’t buying it for an instant, shaking his head as he did the same, locking the vehicle in the process. “Oh, nothing in particular. Anyway,” he nodded toward a trail that could be just be made out in the dim light, departing from the parking lot further into the woods, “It’s a pretty short walk to the picnic area. I’d say that’s where we’ll have the best view.”

“Lead on,” Kaworu responded.

Shinji nodded and made for the trailhead, pulling his phone from the pocket to utilize the flash as a torch. The light beamed out onto the path ahead, illuminating the way as they went. Kaworu followed close behind Shinji, the couple maintaining a purposeful, but not rushed, pace. A few pine needles crunched beneath the soles of their shoes. A cicada could be heard somewhere amongst the trees, and all around, the native fauna sought to remind the human intruders that it was very much present, and very much alive. Insects flitted about in the ray of light that pierced the atramentous gloom, its tenebrosity comprised. Small rodent life scampered around the trail at what could have been mistaken for near clockwork intervals. The forest was alive, thoroughly and undeniably. The air was suffused with an odor that was unmistakably natural, some cocktail containing elements too numerous to enumerate, the fragrances of blooms, scent of predator and prey alike, and the perfume of the oft-padded dirt all assuredly present in the mixture.

By the time the woods spread forth to cradle a meadow-like expanse, it seemed that the environment had (however begrudgingly) accepted the presence of the interlopers, though it was equally possible that the two boys had simply acclimated to the features of the habit relatively quickly. The insect drone had dulled to ambient sounds, and the darkness no longer appeared quite so profuse. The tendrils of purple in the sky had reached further, clutching at what remained of the night, as if to tear it asunder and reveal the bird egg pastels beneath it.

An offshoot of the trail which cut through the meadow led to concrete pad, a rather incongruous sight in what otherwise what seem a nigh undisturbed setting apart from the presence of the trail itself. Several picnic tables and benches were positioned atop the pad, a canopy hanging over them. Both boys had paused near the pavilion, taking in the remainder of the space.

Off beyond the pavilion itself, further into the clearing, the meadow dropped away, the hillside reached. The view offered from this edge looked both down on a good bit of the town below, and out at the sky above it. Not too far from the edge, a single tree grew up, a strange sight in the grassy glade. Kaworu’s eyes, however, were more drawn to a bench constructed under the limbs of said tree. “Well, I think we’ve reached the mission site,” he remarked, slipping effortless back into his secret agent persona. 

Shinji looked over at his boyfriend. “Does that mean I get my full briefing now?,” he queried humorously.

Kaworu scratched his chin and looked contemplative. “Well . . . I suppose it’s only fair. Sure.” He nodded. “Follow me.” He strode off extremely briskly in the direction of the bench, practically running, not waiting to see if Shinji did indeed follow or not. Shinji stood for a moment, blinked, and then took off after his boyfriend.

Despite the fact that Kaworu had a slight head start, Shinji quickly caught up with the other boy, his time on the track team readily apparent. Kaworu grinned brightly as Shinji came up beside him. “Sorry,” Shinji said, not sounding vaguely apologetic, “But you can’t ditch me that easily.”

“Good,” Kaworu responded with a firm dip of his head, his tone kind. “Because I don’t have any intention of ditching you at all.”

Shinji smiled back at his boyfriend as they reached the bench together. Setting the boombox down, Kaworu motioned for Shinji to take a seat. Shinji obliged and Kaworu bent down over the device (or as Shinji was slightly tempted to refer to it, the eighties cultural relic). “Time for the magic,” Kaworu announced as he popped in the disk, tapping several buttons before taking a seat next to Shinji.

Shinji glanced at his boyfriend, and then proceeded to look skeptically over at the box. “It can run on batteries?,”

“Yep,” Kaworu confirmed. “You’ve never used a boombox before, have you?”

Shinji shrugged, “I’m a ninety’s baby, sue me.”

“To be fair,” Kaworu opined, wrapping an arm around Shinji’s shoulder, “So am I.”

“True . . .,” Shinji agreed, blushing slightly, but leaning into the embrace. “So, big reveal time now?”

Kaworu chuckled. “Since you’ve been so patient, I guess I’m out of excuses.”

“And . . .?,” Shinji prompted.

“I wanted to take you somewhere to watch the sunrise,” Kaworu revealed, a statement which didn’t particularly surprise Shinji at this point.

Shinji hummed in agreement, his lips rising into a charming smile as he regarded his boyfriend. Kaworu met his gaze. Shinji tilted his head. “What about the boombox?”

“Well, there was a certain song I thought might fit the scene.” 

“Ah . . .,” Shinji nodded, still not looking completely convinced. “But, why a boombox?”

Kaworu pursed his lips. “Let’s say it has aesthetic value,” he intoned, before turning his eyes out toward the sky. “On another note, I think it’s time.” He reached out and pressed in a button. The sound of anthemic guitars sprung forth from the boombox.

Shinji looked out as well, and saw that the sky had just begun to explode with color, the flames of the dawn licking forth from the horizon and spreading their radiance. There was a definite glory to it, the spectacle of the night being dismissed, as though some cosmic changing of the guard was taking place. Shinji found his eyes growing wide. He wasn’t one to watch the sunrise often. In fact, as he searched his mind, he found that he couldn’t recall the last time he had watched the sunrise at all. There were of course times when he was awake as the sun rose, but on those occasions, he was almost always either occupied with some task, or simply too tired to pay a great deal of attention to anything in particular. He realized, in that moment, that the sunrise was indeed a beautiful sight, and one he regretted not witnessing more frequently.

The sonic texture of the song which poured forth from the speakers felt oddly appropriately. Shinji would not have expected such energy or aggression to match up when juxtaposed alongside the sun rising, and yet, it seemed germane. There was a certain rage in the hues flooding the sky, some grand celestial torrent plunging forward without hesitation. The breaks in the rhythm of the introduction, where the pounding guitars gave way to atmospheric synths, underpinned by a thrumming bass felt equally fitting. The spacious tones captured the sheer resplendence and scope of the skies. 

“What do you think?,” Kaworu asked, his voice soft, more reflective than usual.

“It’s . . . not was I was expecting,” Shinji replied. “In a good way,” he quickly added. “It’s . . . well . . . it’s beautiful,” he finished lamely, failing to find a more creative way to describe what he was witnessing.

“That is is,” Kaworu concurred. “One of the many reasons why I like waking up early.”

“That makes sense.” Shinji discovered that he had a new appreciation for Kaworu’s sleeping habits, although he wasn’t moved to the extent that he had any interest in altering his owns. He would enjoy this moment. He suspected it wasn’t the sunrise alone that made this moment so beautiful. The company most certainly had something to do with it as well.

“I thought it was only appropriate to share beauty with beauty,” Kaworu stated quietly.

Shinji looked back at his boyfriend. “Beauty with beauty?” He paused for a second, before growing almost as red as the sky when he realized to what Kaworu was referring.

“Indeed,” Kaworu replied, fixing Shinji with a pointed stare, one which conveyed many sentiments: appreciation, affection, attraction, devotion . . . and perhaps other things as well, things which Shinji was not at all ready to even consider yet. But in time . . . in time, he thought he might be ready to consider them.

“I’d have to say, I think you can rival the sunrise. You’re proving me right right now, you know,” Kaworu mused with a playful tease in his lips.

Shinji ducked his head, hiding his face. “I . . . uh, umm, uh . . I-I d-don’t really know whatcha mean.”

“Really?,” Kaworu asked with mock seriousness, reaching out to brush the side of Shinji’s face with his palm. Shinji glanced back up momentarily at the touch, before averting his eyes once more.

“Y-yeah,” Shinji stuttered out, words refusing form efficiently in his mouth.

“Well, if you say so,” Kaworu said, his traditional nonchalance in play. However, as he continued, his voice grew gentle with a request. “Could I show you then?”

Shinji stared intently down into his lap, thinking it over, fiercely flushed all the while, his countenance simultaneously happy and shy. “Umm . . . I’d . . . like that,” he managed to piece together, before meeting Kaworu’s gaze expectantly.

“I’m glad,” Kaworu responded simply, as he leaned in, his eyes closing. Shinji hurriedly mimicked the motion himself. Their lips met moments later, both boys sinking into the kiss. Shinji absentmindedly felt Kaworu’s hand running through his hair, before his mind was dragged elsewhere, dissolving into the pure experience of sensations and actions.

It was a slow, relaxed affair, each participant willingly following the current of it for as long as it would flow. Their movements were loose, tender contributions, but each one was still lit with a distinguishable flame nonetheless. A gentle display, perhaps understated in comparison to the majesty of the blazing hues above that set the tone, and yet . . . the passion that they carried, subtle though it might be, was no less potent than the tongues of brilliance that smoldered in the sky.

One kiss inevitably led to another, a foreseeable cascade occurring. Every so often, they would pull apart, withdraw to draw air, to savor the totality of the space and the moment. These intervals filled with soft glances, adamantine smiles, eyes which glistened with ecstatic thoughts. They would return again though, to patient kisses, tactile phrases laid out on their lips in leisurely pen marks, or to swifter landings, words scrawled quickly on their cheeks.

When at last they dipped away and remained in place for longer than a passing interval, Shinji found that the song that accompanied the sunrise had passed, the album returning to the beginning. Echoes of the soundtrack to their drive tumbled out of the speakers now. Shinji quickly made the decision that this particular piece was not quite as suited to the setting as the last had been. There was some disconnect, albeit a slight one, one which could be overlooked, but was present nonetheless. It seemed that Kaworu’s mind had reached a similar conclusion, as after inspecting Shinju’s face for several more seconds, the ash-haired boy moved to advance the disk without any prompting.

A new song announced itself, bursting forth from sounds of wind, cruising along an astronomical interstate. Kaworu turned back to Shinji, the incline of Kaworu’s neck questioning, as if he meant to silently probe Shinji to determine whether or not he approved of the new selection. Shinji looked down for a second, examining the texture of the bench between them as he thought, before nodding slowly. He raised his eyes again, to see Kaworu smiling once more. Shinji’s lips broke into a mirror.

Kaworu spoke, breaking the spell of lingual silence between them. “So, was it worth getting woken up at five AM?,” he inquired, aiming his hand out toward the sky.

Shinji gave the sky a long, ruminative survey, a inspection which slowly slid over to fall on Kaworu instead. “Without a doubt,” Shinji answered at last.

Kaworu inserted his fingers in-between Shinji’s, tying their hands together. “Ah, so I don’t have to feel guilty then,” he stated, a twinge of humor in his words.

“I’ll give you a free pass,” Shinji agreed, a cheerful wit in his voice as well. “Just don’t make a habit of it,” he added, still jocose.

“Oh?,” Kaworu’s tone was equally jocular. “And why not?”

“Well . . .,” Shinji began nebulously, before growing humorous once more, “As amazing as this is— and don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty amazing — sleep is also pretty amazing.”

“Hmm,” Kaworu mused, a glint in his eye. “You know, Shinji, for someone who blushes so easily, I’m surprised you’re able to make a joke like that so easily.”

“Why’s that?,” Shinji queried, not following where Kaworu was going.

“Well, it sets up all sorts of possibilities.”

“What do you mean?” Shinji still seemed mildly perplexed.

“Well, I’d personally say your bed can’t be nearly as interesting as this. For one, it doesn’t involve me,” Kaworu replied. “That is, unless you’d like it to?”

Shinji’s blush saw a golden opportunity for its comeback tour. Suddenly, the sunrise wasn't the only flaming thing Kaworu could see.

“Ah, there’s that complexion I love!,” Kaworu proclaimed with a satisfied grin. “I was beginning to think that you were looking a bit pale.”

Shinji couldn’t think of anything to say back to that.

~~~~~

The town was alive by the time they pulled up to the first stoplight on their route home. The road was no longer a deceptively private space, able to be enjoyed. The morning was afoot, and with it came the unstoppable bustle of society. Kaworu gazed out the window as they waited for the light. From an exterior perspective, it would appear that he was staring curiously at a restaurant on the corner. In reality, of course, his mind was elsewhere.

“Say,” he remarked casually, as was his wont, “I’m curious about something.”

“What’s up?,” Shinji responded, sounding somewhat distracted. Kaworu assumed his boyfriend was more focused on the road now that the morning rush was in swing.

“Well, there’s something I find rather interesting,” Kaworu continued, as they moved forward once again, turning onto the next road.

“Like what?,” Shinji asked, a bit more attention in his voice this time.

“Well,” Kaworu started, “I keep thinking it’s a little odd. It seems like I can get you to blush at the slightest thing most of the time. But then, once we’re making out, you’re as cool as a cucumber. Sort of a stark transformation, really. Care to explain?” He glanced over at Shinji, a cheshire grin plastered onto his face.

“Well, uh, umm,” Shinji spluttered, obviously not prepared for the question, in all its directness. “I - I mean, it-it’s . . .”

“Oh, take your time,” Kaworu advised Shinji, still smirking. “I would want to distract you from your driving.”

“R-right,” Shinji chuckled nervously, looking very glad for the reprieve. “T-thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Kaworu replied. He altered his original statement: “Really, think of it as more food for thought than anything.”

“Uhh, okay,” Shinji didn’t sound as though this was a particularly thrilling prospect to him.

“Really mull over the psychology of it, you know?,” Kaworu tossed in for good measure, having more fun with the bit than was probably appropriate.

“Y-yeah, sure. Will do.” Shinji nodded shakily, his eyes still fixed firmly to the road. His arch-nemesis (the insidious blush that it was) appeared to be toying with him once again. Kaworu couldn’t help but be just a tad entertained. All the same, he decided to cut his boyfriend a break, rather than giving him too hard of a time.

“All the same,” Kaworu asseverated, mock gravity in his tone, “If you find that even after stringently intense self-introspection, the answer eludes you, perhaps the message which is being imparted is that some things are meant to remain an enigma, beyond the extent of our intellects to encapsulate in enervate enunciations and proclamations too pitiful to ponder and profess as principles upon which to propound practical postulations.”

“Uhhh . . .” Shinji looked as though he would be blinking rapidly if the road didn’t require his visual concentration. “I’ll . . . take your word for it.”

“Probably for the best,” Kaworu opined in artificial sagacity.

“Yeah . . .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! I hope to be back with the next installment relatively soon, but we'll see what happens. As always, feel free to leave feedback, I always appreciate it!


	5. Turn the Page (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei takes Asuka to her favorite bookstore. Meanwhile, Asuka tries as hard as possible to ignore/deny her crush on a certain someone. She's not doing so great at that.

Rei bent her lips into a frown, gazing down at the composed text critically, debating whether or not she wanted to hit ‘send.’ _The worst possible outcome is that she declines my invitation. That is a potential development which I am willing to accept if it comes to pass. However, there are other possibilities that are more . . . pleasing to me. Based on my observations, it appears as though Asuka owns a number of books, presumably some of which she has read for leisure, as from the brief occasions when I have noted some of the titles, many of them did not strike me as something which she would read for school. Thus, it seems logical to conclude that she enjoys reading. This fact seems to indicate that she may be fairly inclined to accept my invitation. Perhaps the ‘odds,’ such as they might be, are in fact in my favor._

With a slight nod to herself, Rei tapped the icon.

**Rei:** Do you have any plans today?

The bubble which indicated that a reply was incoming appeared after approximately thirty seconds, a span of time during which Rei stared down at the screen intently, a mild sense of discomfort occasionally poking at her mind. When the new image at last manifested in the app, she was pleased to find that this discomfort abated. At the same time, however, she was also somewhat perplexed by its presence in the first place. It was unlike her to care about something such as the speed with which someone replied to her, let alone experience something akin to anxiety over it. That being said, she wasn’t altogether surprised by the new development either. She had become aware of numerous alterations in her behavior as of late, changes which she had not necessarily made on a conscious level, but which seemed to have taken place nonetheless. 

She attributed all of these ‘phenomena,’ to the influence of a particular redhead, who may have also happened to be her neighbor. And her friend as well. Having what she could consider actual friendships with both Asuka and Hikari was one of the changes which had occurred. It was one which she reflected on gladly. Yet, at the same time, something about this current state of affairs didn’t seem quite right. There was something else which nagged at Rei, consistently reminding her of its existence. Of the fact that it had no intention of disappearing, and that sooner or later, she would have to confront it directly. A part of her was looking forward to whenever that happened. A larger portion of her was mildly dreading it.

**Asuka:** I think Hikari & I might be hanging out l8tr. Why?

**Rei:** Are you free this morning?

**Asuka:** Yeah, we r seeing a movie tonight. U can come too if u want. What’s up?

**Rei:** Thank you, I’ll think about it. Would you like to go to _Off the Shelf!_ with me before that?

**Asuka** : What’s that?

**Rei:** It’s a bookstore.

**Asuka:** Oh, cool. Yeah, I’d be down. But I don’t really have a car :/

**Rei:** It’s close enough that we could walk there. That’s what I normally do.

**Asuka:** Ok, sweet. When?

**Rei:** Would ten work for you?

**Asuka:** Fine by me. Meet at your place?

**Rei:** Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

**Asuka:** Cool, see you then. <Thumbs up emoji>

**Asuka:** Btw, what’s the part of town it’s in like?

**Rei:** What do you mean?

**Asuka:** Well, should I bring my mace, or?

**Rei:** I don’t think you need to. Asherdale is generally safe.

**Asuka:** Okay. I trust you on that, but I'm probably going to bring it anyway. Just in case. Just saying.

**Rei:** Okay.

**Asuka:** See you in like a half an hour then?

**Rei:** Yes.

Setting her phone down on her desk, Rei glanced out her window. The normally-blue sky was obscured by a sheet of light grey clouds. It looked to be the sort of day which promised rain. Most likely not the raging thunder storms that occasionally roared in to flood the valley, but rather the softer, quiet cascades that often stopped by, especially during the latter half of the summer. Nevertheless, the appropriate attire was in order. Rei set about preparing herself for an outing during which the sky was liable to open up abruptly and dump its content upon the world below. Once she was satisfied that her outfit was one which would endure the coming rainfall nicely, she departed her room in search of an umbrella. 

Obtaining said umbrella turned out to be slightly more involved than she expected, as it was not in the location she had anticipated (this being the storage closet adjoining to the laundry room). What followed was a scouring of the entire house to pinpoint the misplaced object’s position, one which took far longer than it had any right to take. Eventually, however, Rei found the offending umbrella on a shelf in the pantry off the kitchen (for reasons she couldn’t fathom, nor ask her brother about, given that he was working), and arrived at the door at approximately 9:58. Her timing turned out to be rather fortuitous, as the doorbell rang just as she was reaching for the handle.

~~~~~

The door opened to reveal Rei, a small hint of a smile on her face. Asuka gave a broader smile of her own in return. “Hey, how’s it going?” She greeted the brunette amiably.

“Hello. I’m alright,” Rei responded, considerably more subdued than Asuka, as usual, though Asuka noted that the other girl was certainly not as reserved with her emotions as she had been at one time. The observation, brought an unbidden, unexpected little jolt of glee to her chest, one which she quickly reined in with a fleeting moment of internal self-denunciation. _It’s great that she actually seems to be showing emotion now, but there’s no reason why you need to go jumping for joy at something like that. Even when she does smile at you, and make you — oh dammit. Really? Stop thinking about how you may have a . . . don’t say it! That’s just acknowledging it, which is the last thing you need to do right now. Focus on something else. Something that does not involve you getting mushy inside because she looks happy to be spending time with— Full stop! Look, she’s holding an umbrella. That’s something. Now you won’t get soaked if it rains after all. So it all works out, even if yours is still probably buried in the boxes in the garage somewhere. Focus on that._

Asuka suddenly realized that Rei had asked her how she was doing. As she redirected her attention away from her thoughts and back to the other girl, she noticed that Rei seemed mildly puzzled by the fact that Asuka hadn’t answered the question yet. Her head was angled slightly to the side, and the smile had vanished from her lips. Hastily, Asuka replied, “Oh, I’m good. Anyway, onward to books, right?” She stepped to the side, plastering a confident smile on her face, and motioning for Rei to exit the house.

Rei nodded, and stepped through the doorway. She looked to Asuka for a moment, a vaguely contemplative look on her face, before extending out the umbrella to the redhead, handle-first. “Would you mind holding this while I lock up?”

“Sure, no problem,” Asuka assented, accepting the proffered item. Rei turned back to the door and set about closing up the house, Asuka watching her in silence, unconsciously tapping the still-bound and folded umbrella against her leg. Her view wandered up toward the sky. _Yeah, I definitely think it’s going to rain. Which means we’re gonna end up sharing this umbrella. Which means we’ll probably have to walk pretty close together. I mean, that wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing — oh, not again! This isn’t a date, we’re just friends, don’t you dare even think about blushing at the thought of sharing an umbrella! That’s downright pathetic! It’s not even hand-holding! It's something that could just as easily be totally platonic as romantic. You’re going soft! It’s just a stupid crush, that’s all it is! Dammit, now you're acknowledging it! Anyway, it doesn't even matter! It’ll go away once the school year starts and you meet more people. And anyway, even if it doesn’t, which it will, it still doesn’t matter. She’s not your type anyway. Well . . . not exactly, but that's beside the point! Even if it’s still there for some reason, it’s pointless to keep getting all worked up over it. It’s not like you’d ever actually ask her out . . . don’t think about that!_

Asuka’s internal debate was interrupted by Rei rotating back to her to retrieve the umbrella. “Ready?” She asked pleasantly.

Asuka nodded firmly, handing back the umbrella. “Yep! Let’s roll!” She inclined her head out toward the sidewalk. “I’ll let you lead the way this time, since you actually know where this place is.”

Rei gave a minute dip of her head that signaled her agreement to this arrangement. With that, she moved out past Asuka and set off down the sidewalk, in the direction away from the Kaji household. Asuka fell in step beside her, a part of her mind that she did her very best to ignore secretly pleased by the fact that the sidewalk was wide enough for the two of them to go side by side. A minute or so passed in silence. _Well, I guess it’s up to me to start conversation if I want to talk._ “So, how far is this place?” Asuka asked casually.

Rei looked down at the concrete for a moment, appearing to be considering the inquiry. “I’d say it usually takes me about thirty-five to forty minutes to get there when I walk. It’s not too far.”

Asuka nodded in acknowledgement of this. _Huh, guess that’s not too bad. Still, definitely not passing all of that in silence. Conversation is in order._ She settled on a follow-up question, one that had the capacity to lead to more interesting topics. “What type of books do they sell?”

Rei's shoulders rolled up a bit, something Asuka took to be a shrug of sorts. “They have a wide variety. Fiction, nonfiction, guidebooks, biographies, graphic novels, sports texts, etc.”

Asuka chuckled lightly. “Sounds like you could be their advertising spokesperson.” She accompanied the jest with a calm smile, so that Rei would hopefully know it was meant in good fun.

A half-smile found its way onto Rei’s face, a reaction which made Asuka far happier than she cared to admit. _I totally was not trying to do that. It’s not like I care if she smiles or not. I mean, sure, I’m happy when she’s happy, but that’s a normal thing with friends. That doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like my chest gets all fluffy when she laughs. That would just be . . . ughhh . . ._

“I do go there frequently,” Rei responded, apparently entertained by the joke. “Although, I haven’t been in some time. Walking in early summer isn’t enjoyable.”

Asuka laughed at this. “Yeah, no kidding. It’s nice to finally get some weather that doesn’t make me feel like I’m being grilled.”

“The latter half of the summer is more enjoyable that way,” Rei agreed.

“You get a lot of days like this?”

“Yes.”

Asuka gave a little nod at this. _Okay, back to the earlier topic._ _Because I’m not talking about the weather._ _Just no._ _I have standards. I shouldn't have asked in the first place. Why do I do this to myself?_

“So, what do you go there for?”

Rei gave that little tilt of her head that indicated temporary puzzlement.

“To the bookstore, I mean. What’s it called again?”

“ _Off the Shelf,_ ” Rei supplied, before pausing for a handful of seconds. “Much like what they sell, I also read a wide variety of books.”

“Anything more than others?”

“I prefer fiction,” Rei opined in answer.

_Okay, good to know. That can go places._ “Same here. What genre?”

“Fantasy is probably my favorite genre.”

“Cool, me too.”

Rei looked over to Asuka. “I was not aware of that.”

Asuka shrugged. “I mean, it’s not something I talk about a whole lot. I don’t read as much as I used to, but I still like it.”

“Do you have a favorite author?”

“I always really liked Tamora Pierce’s books. But the last time I read one was in freshman year or so, I think.”

“I like her work as well,” Rei said, with a slight pinch of enthusiasm (which, from what Asuka had observed, was tantamount to a glowing endorsement from her).

“That’s awesome. I remember falling in love with the _Protector of the Small_ series when I first read it. Keladry is a total boss.”

“I enjoyed that quartet. However, I’d say my favorite series of hers set in Tortall is _The_ _Immortals_.”

Asuka pursed her lips, the name not immediately familiar. “Wait, are those the ones about Daine?”

Rei nodded. “Yes.”

“Oh, okay. I liked those too. Isn’t the series called _Wild Magic_ though?”

At this, Rei looked as though she was contemplating something herself. “Hmm . . . I think they’ve been called both.”

Asuka shrugged. “Maybe so.” Though she was generally not one to admit she could be wrong when she thought she was right, she didn’t feel like arguing with Rei. Somehow, it didn’t seem to matter. _I mean, it’s a small pointless thing. Sure, maybe I’d normally still care. But just because I don’t feel like arguing about it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like I don’t want to disagree with her. It’s just not worth wasting my time on. Yeah, that’s it. That’s all it is. I don’t want to waste my time on it. There are better things to talk about. It definitely is not because— new question time!_

However, before Asuka could introduce a new question of her own, Rei spoke up again. “Have you read the _Beka Cooper_ books?”

Asuka blinked, furrowing her brow. “No, I haven’t. Are they by her too?”

Rei nodded to confirm this. “I think you would like them.”

It took Asuka a moment to take this in. _Is she recommending a book series to me now?_ _I did not see that coming._ I mean, not that I'm upset or anything _. Actually, I'm most definitely not upset._ _She seems like she would have good taste when it comes to books . . . so . . . yeah, I'll take recommendations from her anyway._ _No other reason besides her good taste, of course._ _Just that._ _Yeah._

“What are they about?” Asuka queried.

From there, Rei launched into a description of the series, something which she seemed to genuinely enjoy doing. _Looks like I found something Rei actually likes talking about. Without too much prompting, no less. Who would have thought it? But . . . I’m not complaining. Not at all. It’s nice to hear her talk so much. Her voice is kind of sweet to listen to, especially when she’s passionate about something—urrghhh, focus on what she’s saying, not how cute her voice is! Stupid brain!_

The rest of the walk passed in a similar fashion, Asuka prompting Rei every so often to describe another novel or series which she enjoyed, but with which Asuka was unfamiliar. Somehow, by the time they reached the shop, Asuka had a hard time believing it had taken them forty minutes to get there. _It couldn’t have been that long, right?_ The time seemed to have passed a little too quickly. _Not that I wanted it to be longer or anything . . . it’s not like I was enjoying listening to her rhapsodizing or anything . . . dammit, why am I like this?_


	6. Turn the Page (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Asuka make it to Off The Shelf. There, they wander through books, look longer than they should, and meet an employee they weren't expecting.

It was nearing eleven when they reached the store. Rei was somewhat impressed by the fact that it had yet to rained. She had suspected the drizzle to begin either before they departed, or at the latest, shortly into their walk. Proving her wrong, the sky held back its waters still, content to weigh heavy above them, turgid clouds pressing downward, as if at risk of sinking to the ground itself. Some would have said the atmosphere felt oppressive. However, Rei thought this wasn’t precisely the correct way to describe it. Perhaps, if the clouds had been those which heralded a thunderstorm, she would have applied that adjective. If that had been the case, she knew there would have been a certain tension in the air, the space around them feeling taught and stretched, as if waiting for some inevitable doom to befall it. But that was not the case. 

As it was, the mood which she felt best described the collective sentiment of the town was not one of apprehension, but rather one of anticipation. The world was ready for the rain to come. Ready to graciously accept the heavens’ gift, rather than quiver before lightning swords and war drums of thunder. Rei enjoyed the constructs which she applied to the process, however imaginary they were. It made something which might otherwise seem a purely natural, ordinary process, clearly explainable through science, seem almost magical, almost more than the sum of its parts.

The store was located in the corner of a small plaza, one which was located quite far from the business centers in Asherdale’s downtown, and right on the edge of where what might be considered the town proper gave way to what passed for suburbs in a small community. Rei suspected that the suite which it occupied was the largest one in the plaza, though she had not been into all of other suites, so she couldn’t say this with absolute certainty. The overall building was a rough L-shape, divided into five separate suites, one of which was unoccupied (this being the one which Rei deduced might be the only serious contender to _Off the Shelf!_ ’s claim to occupying the largest suite, given that the disused suite was the one on the end of the longer line in the “L” formation, and thus had the potential to be fairly sizeable).

The other businesses which filled the plaza were respectively: an insurance office, a travel agency, and a cell provider’s shop. Rei thought it was a rather unusual collection of establishments. Nevertheless, she rarely dwelt upon this oddity, as she generally only came to the plaza for the book store. The other businesses were merely ones which happened to exist nearby. They didn’t concern her, at least not for the moment.

Rei entered first, pushing the door open behind her long enough for Asuka to catch hold of it and follow her in. Rei looked about the familiar scene for a moment as she walked slowly into the lobby, giving Asuka time to take in the interior. The layout of the shop was an interesting one. The front entrance was almost directly in the corner of the plaza, set into a diagonal wall. It opened into the main lobby of the shop, where the central counters could be found. The register counter was a three-sided affair, built along the far wall of the lobby, with a doorway behind leading back into what Rei thought was the manager’s office. The counter was divided into three separate sections, as per its sides. The front counter was the register counter, with three checkouts (though it was rare for all three of them to ever be in use simultaneously). The left counter was the order counter, where customers could both place and pickup online orders through the store. The right counter was designated the customer service counter, though Rei couldn’t actually remember a time when she had seen anyone (either an employee or a customer) there.

In addition to the central counters, there were several displays in the lobby, mostly promoting new or popular literary releases. Currently, one of these displays was advertising a book signing that would be taking place the next weekend, as well as the book being signed at the event. The author was a somewhat popular mystery novelist with whom Rei was mildly familiar, though she had never read any of her work.

Two hallways branched off of the main lobby. Aisles lined both of these hallways, bookcases forming a frame of sorts, giving the space its structure. Rei appreciated the design scheme of it all. It felt natural, as though it had been born into this space, rather than something artificially assembled. The environment was a cozy one, in her opinion. It was one of the reasons why she found herself coming back time and time again (though really, _Off the Shelf!_ was the only true bookstore in Asherdale. The town wasn’t big enough to warrant multiple shops devoted solely to books. It was rather surprising that there was even one such establishment). 

Sections were marked by hanging signs pointing to the appropriate aisle. By now, Rei knew where any given area could be located without the need for the markers. Yet, she thought they contributed in a positive way to both the purpose and aesthetic of the shop, so she would often give them a look now and then, whether she needed to or not.

At the moment, the main lobby itself was fairly empty. One other customer was looking at a display promoting an autobiography from a now-retired film star. Tuesday mornings were apparently not the busiest time for the store. Then again, _Off the Shelf!_ was never what could honestly be described as ‘busy.’ It was a bookshop in a small town. Rei would have been quite bemused if she ever walked into the shop to find it bustling with customers. Still, there did seem to be a dedicated base of individuals who shopped there, which was probably a significant factor in the fact that the shop remained in business. 

Over the past couple of years, Rei felt as though she had become part of that base. She came to the shop often enough that she knew the owner and the employees by name, albeit this could mostly be attributed to the quality of her memory, as she rarely interacted with any of said individuals any more than was necessary for transactions to take place, or a book to be located. Still, she deemed the interactions she had had with the staff to be friendly ones, and she knew that they recognized her just as she recognized them. The woman behind the counter this morning (Rei recalled that her name was Tatiana) had smiled at them and given an amicable nod to them as they stepped into the lobby, the latter of which Rei had returned in her more restrained style. Asuka, on the other hand, hadn’t quite seemed to notice, scrutinizing the rest of the room as she had been.

They were now further into the lobby, Asuka examining the display for the upcoming book-signing, Rei standing beside her, her mind considering other things. With a start, she realized that, consciously or not, she had been staring at Asuka for a good thirty seconds at least, if not more. Fortunately, it seemed as though Asuka hadn’t noticed yet. Rei realized that the other girl had now picked up the advertised book and was looking it over. She glanced at Rei for a moment, and Rei did her best to appear as though she hadn’t been watching her friend (which wasn’t terribly hard for her, since her expressions generally didn’t betray her feelings unless she wanted them to). “So, you think this is any good?” Asuka asked, apparently not noticing Rei’s ‘distraction’ (Rei wasn’t about to label it anything further than that, even if she couldn’t help but wonder if her staring was indeed a bit more than that).

Rei tilted her head slightly off-center. “I’m not sure,” she answered truthfully. “I’ve never read any of her work.”

“Hmm.” Asuka curled her lips, looking over the volume for another few seconds, before setting it back down. She turned to Rei once more. “So, what are we looking for?”

Rei thought for a moment. “I usually check out the fantasy section.”

Asuka nodded. “Okay. That works for me.”

Rei gave a slight smile, and set off in that direction, Asuka alongside her. Rei decided they’d stop by the smaller fantasy section within adult fiction first, rather than the larger YA fantasy section. They perused the section in question for a while, with little conversation. 

Rei began by looking to see if they had any novels from a series she had recently seen recommended online, but was somewhat disappointed to find that they did not. This search fruitless, she skimmed a few more books whose titles caught her eye. She was immediately put off by the blurb on the backs of two of them, deciding that the plot wasn’t for her. A couple more sounded promising, but not so much so that she was compelled to purchase them immediately. She did find one novel which struck her as being a worthwhile read: a dark fantasy comedy written from the perspectives of various minions of a supposed “villain,” presented in what looked to be a dry, tongue-in-cheek sort of fashion. For something that included a speculative element, the premise was fairly intriguing. From Rei’s knowledge, fantasy comedies in and of themselves were rare, but ones which were aimed at an adult audience, without diving into lowbrow humor and absurdity (which from the bits she read, this one didn’t) were rarer still. She decided that it would be a good use of her money. With one successful find in the section, Rei resolved to move on to the YA fantasy, the section which occupied the second place in her mental ranking of sections in order of her interest in them.

During her “book search,” Rei had admittedly narrowed her focus somewhat, losing track of exactly what Asuka was up to in the process. As a result, when she now turned, she was not at all expecting to find Asuka standing close by, a book in hand. It should be noted that Asuka was most definitely not inspecting said book. Instead, she looked to be inspecting Rei instead, gazing at her intensely with what Rei thought qualified as a conflicted glimmer in her eyes. She looked as though she was debating something very passionately within her mind. As Rei turned to face her, she quickly looked down at the book in her hands, taking a good two steps back, and facing herself toward the bookshelf before her. Rei noted that the other girl’s cheeks looked rather flushed. This observation brought her to a related realization: she was blushing herself. She quickly looked back to the bookshelf before her as well, raising a hand to her face in momentary confusion, which only gave way to questions which were most certainly not of the momentary variety.

A few uncomfortable seconds passed between them, before Asuka spoke up. “So, find anything good?”

Rei let herself exhale a soft sigh in reaction to this, losing some of the tension which had taken root within her. It seemed as though Asuka might be interested in ignoring what had just transpired, something which Rei was quite willing to do, at least for the moment. It would take her time to review the concepts in her mind which had been fed by the “incident,” if it could even be called that. She kept her voice even and familiar when she spoke, though it was surprisingly difficult for her to do so.

“I think so,” Rei replied. “How about you?” She looked over to Asuka, breaking the invisible visual barrier which had briefly been erected between them.

“Eh, nothing in particular.” Rei watched as Asuka returned the book she had been looking at to the shelf, all without looking back to Rei. “Anyway,” she continued, finally looking at Rei, “Where to next?”

“We could go to the young adult fantasy section,” Rei offered. “It’s larger than this one.”

Asuka gave a thumbs up. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

Rei nodded, relaxing further as it became apparent that the discomfort was behind them. With Rei in the lead, they headed over to the YA fantasy section. When they entered the aisle, Rei immediately noted that an employee was stocking one of the shelves. She also remembered just how long it had been since she had stopped by the shop (the last time had been in May) as she came to the realization that _Off the Shelf!_ must have done some hiring since that occasion, because she didn’t recognize this individual as an employee at the store. However, she most certainly recognized him from elsewhere. Though his face was obscured, the tint of his hair was enough to indicate his identity, even without the hue of his eyes to accompany it.

It was quickly evident that Asuka’s thought process had followed a similar pattern to Rei’s. “Kaworu?” She asked curiously, announcing their presence in the aisle.

The individual in question looked up from the cart he had been unloading, revealing himself unmistakably as Kaworu Akagi. He smiled warmly as he saw them. “Rei, Asuka,” he greeted them, “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” Asuka answered casually as she strolled over to him. “You?”

“Good,” Rei replied, following after Asuka.

“I’m doing alright,” Kaworu responded, rising from his crouch over the cart. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Hmmm, that’s a hard one — shopping,” Asuka answered humorously. “I’m with her.” She pointed a finger in Rei’s direction. 

Rei felt slightly tempted to grin at the joke, a desire she resisted and disregarded. “This is my favorite bookstore,” she explained calmly. “I come here often.”

“Oh, cool,” Kaworu opined, sliding the books in his hand into place next to several of the same volume on the shelf. “I guess I’ve just never been working when you’ve come in before.” He bent to retrieve another stack from an opened box.

“How long have you worked here?” Asuka inquired,

Kaworu paused, books in hand, and thought for a moment. “Exactly thirty-six days at this point, I think. I started toward the end of June.”

“Huh.” Asuka looked vaguely intrigued. “Wouldn’t have pegged you for a place like this.”

“Why’s that?” Kaworu asked as he continued with the stocking process.

“Well,” Asuka started, crossing her arms loosely before her chest. “It just seems a bit too . . . low key, I guess. For you.”

Kaworu shrugged as he made space between a couple books to slide two copies of a novel in. “I dunno, I like the atmosphere here.”

“As do I,” Rei spoke up, rejoining the conversation. While she was often content to observe, she felt oddly compelled to engage today. One more thing which would require further reflection to parse properly, she resolved.

“It’s a nice place,” Kaworu elaborated to Asuka, concurrently agreeing with Rei.

Asuka glanced around the aisle appraisingly, before tossing her hands up into a half-shrug. “I guess I can see the appeal.”

“You don’t sound all that smitten with it,” Kaworu joked lightly, rolling his cart further down the aisle. Asuka trailed along, not one to break off a conversation partway through it. Rei, now determined to remain part of said conversation, kept pace beside Asuka.

“To each their own,” Asuka responded, tossing her hand dismissively. “It’s not like I hate it or anything. It’s fine. Just not crazy about it either.”

“Fair enough,” Kaworu admitted.

“Indeed,” Rei concurred, concomitantly feeling both glad that Asuka did not hate the store, and and disappointed that she did not seem to particular enjoy it either. She made the decision that their next outing would be to a different location. This thought made her pause. Since when had she taken to planning outings with Asuka? Developing ideas that involved going out with other people wasn’t something Rei did. And yet, the very fact that they were both standing here attested to the fact that yes, it was something Rei did. She found that her perception of her life, and the reality of it, had come into conflict by her own hand. She blinked, noting with a bit of dismay, that this wasn’t a revelation she could put aside as easily as her earlier ones today. Fortunately, a rescue from her thoughts came in the form of a question from Kaworu.

“So, are you two looking for anything in particular?”

“I’m not,” Asuka answered easily. “Are you?” She looked over to Rei inquisitively.

Rei, whose mind was swiftly turning into a free-for-all debate between contrasting thoughts and the outlooks which those thoughts represented, was very appreciative of the intrusion. Unfortunately, she was also ill-prepared to answer the question, on account of her mental turmoil. “Not really,” she replied after a brief hesitation. Though this wasn’t altogether true (Rei was interested to see if there were any new books by a couple authors she enjoyed, although she doubted there were), it was true in the sense that she didn’t have a precise book in mind.

“Ah, okay.” Kaworu turned back to his work. “Well, let me know if you have any questions. Or need help looking for anything. I think I’m getting to know the store pretty well, so I think I’d be a suitable tour guide.” He chuckled. Asuka merely rolled her eyes, not quite as amused.

Rei knew that it was unlikely they would actually need Kaworu’s help. She knew the store well enough herself to find just about anything (she imagined she might know it even better than Kaworu, considering how long she had been shopping there). However, she saw a lapse in the conversation approaching, and decided she wanted to keep it going, if only to keep herself out of her head. “Do you have any recommendations?” She queried softly.

Kaworu shot a glance back at her. “For books, you mean?”

“Yes,” Rei confirmed.

Kaworu reached up and stroked his chin, striking a pose Rei assumed he thought declared him to be a ‘troubled scholar.’ She thought it was a bit much, but refrained from commenting. “Hmm,” he said after a moment. “Well, I’m not sure that you’d appreciate it, but I read a book not to long ago that I thought was pretty good.”

Asuka, who had been watching Kaworu skeptically as he struck his stance, raised her eyebrow higher. “Go on,” she said dryly.

Kaworu happily obliged.


	7. Turn the Page (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Asuka head home, but their minds are elsewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the third (and final) part to “Turn the Page." As per the slow-burn, friends to girlfriends nature of the relationship between them in this series, Asuka and Rei are both still more than a little conflicted. You want tension? We've got tension. xD
> 
> Don't worry though . . . they'll figure it out . . . eventually.
> 
> I'm planning for the next episode to focus more on our favorite boyfriends, so Kawoshin shippers, never fear, your time is near! Lol

_It better be as good as Kaworu assured us it was_ , Asuka thought as she looked down critically at the bag in her hand which held the book to which she was referring. She was walking a few steps behind Rei as they headed for the exit. _Because otherwise I just wasted ten bucks. He did make it sound interesting though. Even if I’m not crazy into sci-fi thrillers. He did say there were some noiresque bits though, which I could be cool with. Maybe it’ll be something like Cowboy Bepop as far as that goes? That’d be pretty great actually. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see though._

Distracted by her thoughts as she was, Asuka practically walked right into Rei as the other girl paused before the door. Each of them stumbled, but remained upright, Asuka’s reflexes activating quick enough to keep her from ending up on the floor, Rei catching herself with the doorframe. Rei looked back, confused.

“Sorry,” Asuka offered, doing her best to seem nonchalant, something which was undermined by the slight tint of red creeping onto her face. “What’s up?”

Rei didn’t address Asuka’s apology, but seemed to accept it. She inclined her head toward toward the glass storefront. “It’s raining,” she answered simply.

Asuka looked out, and found that Rei was in fact right. Asuka nodded slowly. “Good thing you brought your umbrella,” she remarked.

“Yep,” Rei agreed, glancing down at the object in question, which she held alongside her bag. She proceeded out the door, Asuka following beside her. Sheltered under the overhang of the shop, Rei opened the umbrella, raising it above her head. She turned to Asuka. “I take it we’ll be sharing.” The statement was free from any judgement (at least as far as Asuka could tell), and merely an observation.

“I think mine’s still buried somewhere in our garage,” Asuka replied with a roll of her eyes, trying to downplay the embarrassment she was annoyed to find she was experiencing.

“Ah. Understandable,” Rei responded.

“I can hold it if you want,” Asuka offered, pushing down the awkward, bubbling sensation which had begun to brew in her chest. Meanwhile, her brain was becoming rather ‘overactive’ once more. _Dammit, why am I feeling so awkward over this?_ _It’s just walking side by side._ _And I’m only offering to hold her umbrella because I’m the taller one, so it makes sense._ _It’s not like I would want to do it otherwise._ _It’s completely absurd to even consider that it might be because I like the idea of . . . I dunno, protecting her from the rain or some stupid cliche tripe like that._ _Uggghhh._ _What the hell is wrong with me?_ _Stupid, stupid crush._ _It’s all a bunch of nonsense, that’s what it is._ _I’m such an idiot._ _I’m letting something silly get the best of me!_ _This should be easy to just push into the back of my mind and ignore!_ _So why isn’t it?_ _I’ve done it before._

_Errggh, I bet it’s probably because of the move and everything. It’s just all of the change at once messing with my mind and making it harder than usual. I’ve just gotta get through it, it can’t be that hard . . . it’s not like she caught me staring at her earlier because I didn’t turn away quick enough because I was too busy . . . something . . . but I wasn’t daydreaming! Uckk! I don’t daydream! I was just thinking about things. Like how I wouldn’t mind doing this more often. And . . . other things . . . why must life be this way?_

Rei evaluated the offer for a moment, before consenting. “Alright.” She handed the umbrella to Asuka. “Back home then?”

“Yeah,” Asuka concurred. “You can hang out at my place this afternoon if you want.” This was a proposal she immediately regretted internally. _Why the hell did I say that? What is wrong with me? I need to have some self-control here. I don’t want her to think I suddenly want to spend all day with her. I mean, I already invited her to the movie. I don’t want to make things weird— urghh, I shouldn’t even care! Why does it matter what she thinks? It doesn’t, it doesn’t!_

“Don’t feel like you have to though,” Asuka added in spite of herself. “Up to you.”

Rei thought about for a moment, before shaking her head. “Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll start on this—“ she nodded down toward her bag, “This afternoon.”

“Makes sense,” Asuka agreed as they set off together.

“I think I’ll take you up on the movie offer tonight,” Rei remarked a minute or so later without preamble. “That is, if Hikari’s okay with me joining you two.”

“Cool,” Asuka said quickly in return. _Why’d I answer so fast?_ She interrogated her mind. _Now I’m just gonna sound desperate or something. Great!_ “And I checked with Hikari this morning after we texted. She’s cool with you coming,” she continued.

“Okay.”

Silence fell once more between them for a time. Rei seemed less interested in talking than she had on the walk over, and Asuka was more focused on her own thoughts than trying to engage the other girl in conversation. Primarily, she was trying to dispel a number of what she deemed ‘frivolous’ sentiments. The fact that she was continually tempted to brush her fingers against Rei’s, considering they were close enough to nearly be hand in hand, was not helping. _What is happening? I can’t believe you’re even thinking about that,_ she excoriated herself. _You’re so pathetic! This isn’t you at all! You’re a strong person who chooses to show affection only when you want to, not some weak romantic who gets all stupid and mushy and shit over absurd little things like the fact that you keep bumping into each other. It’s not like this is your first crush or something like that, so why are you all giddy? It’s just humiliating. Come on! Get it together!_

The walk seemed to drag on indefinitely, feeling much longer in silence than it had with Rei expounding on her favorite literature on the way to the store. Asuka wavered between lacking the confidence to start talking (mostly due to the fact that her thoughts felt as though they were doing too much talking), and craving something other than the awkward quiet which now seemed to hang out above the sidewalk, like some sort of cloak descending down from the umbrella to hide them from the outside world, and from each other as well. The grey rain that pattered down all around them only added to this mental image, creating a curtain of its own that brought the imagined one to life a little too well for Asuka’s liking. _Just say something, dammit! Anything! It doesn’t matter what it is. Otherwise I’m going to end up thinking in circles for the rest of this walk, and I’m already miserable enough as it is._ Asuka looked down at her phone momentarily to check the time. _And we’ve only been walking for about ten minutes, which means we still have another half an hour after this. Oh great. Just great. Ugh. Why am I like this?_

In the end, Asuka’s inner conflict claimed a victory of sorts, and she held her ‘peace’ for the remainder of the trip. It was not an enjoyable experience by any means, but she didn’t trust herself in the moment to open her mouth again without likely saying something potentially disastrous. She settled on tightly-sealed lips as the safest option, however uncomfortable it might be. Her mind raged on for the entire duration of the walk, however, more than happy to fill the space left by the lack of conversation. Asuka was quite glad when their respective houses, side-by-side, came into view.

Rei slowed as they came up to the walk that led to her house. She turned to Asuka. “See you tonight then?” She asked. Normally, Asuka would have expected such a question to be mostly rhetorical. They had, after all, already agreed on the plan for that evening. As it was, however, Asuka detected a note of uncertainty in the other girl’s voice. This sent her down a new spiral of sorts. _Oh crap, did she pick on me being weird? Does she think I don’t want her to come now? That’s not what I wanted, I mean not really, I mean — I don’t care whether she comes at all. She can do whatever she wants! Yeah! But I don’t want to influence her either. Ugh! Verdammt!_

Putting on what she hoped was an expression that was both confident and reassuring, Asuka answered, “Yeah, for sure. I’ll text you when Hikari’s on her way, okay?”

“Alright,” Rei agreed. She reached her free hand out toward Asuka, whose mind raced for a minute before she realized that the other girl wanted to take back her umbrella.

“I can walk you up to your door,” she offered, surprising herself with the proposal. _Wait, why the hell did I say it like that? That sounds like some stereotypical, cliché romance trope bs! This isn’t a first date! Seriously, why am I such an idiot all of the sudden!_

Thinking fast, she hastily added, “So you don’t get soaked while you’re getting out your keys and unlocking your door and everything.” She shrugged, trying to add a sense of nonchalance to the proposition.

This seemed to have the desired effect, as Rei pulled back her hand, and then slowly nodded. “Okay.” She headed up the walk to the door, Asuka keeping step beside her, still shielding them both.

_That was a little too close. Maybe I need to take a nap or something when I get back to my place. Yeah. Right. Because that will totally help this. Because I’m definitely just tired, or out of it, or something like that. That’s all it is. Nothing else. Nothing else._

After a few seconds, Rei had unlocked and cracked open the door. She glanced back to Asuka. “Will you be alright to get to your place?”

Asuka blinked, not expecting the question. Realizing what Rei meant, she gave a mostly-forced laugh, and replied, “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, I think I’ll survive the dash over.”

Rei considered this answer for a moment, and then nodded. “If you say so,” she responded, before reaching to take the umbrella once more. This time, Asuka handed it over without any poorly-worded offers.

“See you tonight!” Asuka declared in a positive tone, throwing in a fake smile for good measure, before dashing back out toward the sidewalk, and from there to her front door. If Rei said anything in response, Asuka didn’t hear it. She savored the brief feeling of water sprinkling over her, running down through her hair. It was a sensation that could distract her, if only momentarily, from the musings of her inner mind.

Asuka didn’t look back to the Ikaris’s house until she was under the cover of her porch. When did look back, she noted that Rei had vanished within the house, closing the door behind her. Asuka stood for a moment before her door. An unanticipated feeling of disappointment washed over her for a few instants. On some level, she wasn’t entirely sure what had precipitated the briefly-lived sentiment. On another level, she knew that she had hoped that Rei would still be standing outside of her door, watching her. _Oh, come on, why would she do that? There’d be no good reason at all for her to do that! That would just be stupid! Who wants to just stand out in the rain, under an umbrella, just because? What, did I expect her to want to make sure I got home safe or something ridiculous like that? That would just be absurd. We literally live right door to one another! I swear, something is wrong with me. . ._

Shaking her head, suddenly more frustrated than she was disappointed, Asuka wrenched out her key and practically jammed it into the lock. She popped open the door and slammed it shut behind her, using substantially more force than was strictly necessary, all things considered. With a grimace, she looked down at herself. A puddle of water was already beginning to permeate into the rug below her. She sighed deeply, more than a little tempted to sink down and take a seat right then and there, her back up against the door. Her rational, stubborn side won out, however. Scoffing, she bent to untie her boots. _I’m not going to let this get the best of me. Hell no! I’m going to figure it out! Yeah! And then I’m going to . . . well . . . I’m going to do . . . something. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. But I am going to get there._

_~~~~~_

Rei sank onto her bed slowly, listening to the springs groan beneath the mattress. She looked down at the book in her hands, her brow furrowing while her thoughts turned elsewhere. Though she had initially planned to read it once she returned home, she now felt disinclined to do so. Her mind was more concerned with analyzing other things. Such as Asuka’s demeanor on the walk home. Rei wasn’t positive, but she had a nagging suspicion that the other girl had been upset about something, a theory which in turn soured her own mood. She also felt that she was beginning to understand just why that was the case, a dawning realization which came with its own series of questions. Rei reached the conclusion that this would be an ongoing trend. Each answer she located in reference to her sentiments toward her neighbor (and friend too, there was no doubt of that now) only brought further questions with it. 

This cycle of questions showed no signs of terminating, repeating at will as it pleased. The situation was a perplexing one, all thing considered. The puzzle possessed numerous facets, to the extent where Rei was beginning to wonder if it was one she would be able to solve without help. That of course, brought a new question with it, an irritating fact which Rei determined, in retrospect, she should have seen coming. Said question was: to whom exactly could Rei turn for aid in dealing with the matter? She felt quite certain it would be more than a little problematic to bring it up directly with Asuka herself. There were far too many avenues by which that approach could go horrible awry. The second person who came to Rei’s mind was Hikari. She soon dismissed this idea as well. Hikari was friends with both Asuka and Rei. Going to Hikari for advice on her feelings might put Hikari in an uncomfortable position. Rei wanted to ensure that whoever she talked to could keep their discussion confidential, and Hikari would probably find it difficult to do so if it meant hiding the details from Asuka. 

The solution then, was to talk to someone who was a relatively neutral party, one who wasn’t too closely connected to either of them. This ruled her brother out as well, though perhaps that wasn’t a purely negative thing, considering the awkwardness which might have accompanied such a conversation (likely more on her brother’s part than her own, given his predisposition toward being protective of her). However, while her brother was not a viable option, considering that idea for long enough to disregard it led Rei to a related option. One which, as she deliberated on it further, revealed itself to have serious potential. The one obstacle which remained in the way was the trustworthiness of the candidate, which Rei had yet to ascertain. Establishing this would take time. Notwithstanding this reality, now that Rei had a plan, she decided she was willing to be patient. If waiting was what it took to unearth answers, she would bide her time.


	8. Memories (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji has an idea, and decides to take Kaworu on a short hike into the woods behind his house to show him something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first half of the next installment in We'll Make It to August. This "episode" is a Kawoshin-centric one, so as always, be prepared for Kaworu's usual antics, and Shinji being Shinji. I think this one's also going to end up being a bit more serious, but with good reason. Hope you all enjoy!

Shinji was in his room, Kaworu along with him, when the idea came to him.Kaworu had come over for dinner earlier in the evening.Afterwards, he had shown Shinji an episode of a show of which he had recently become a fan.The series in question was a British crime drama about a police officer who somehow traveled backward in time after being shot.Shinji hadn’t been quite as taken with it as his boyfriend seemed to be, but it was alright, all things considered, and Shinji didn’t want to dampen Kaworu’s enthusiasm, so he had done his best to enjoy it. 

At the moment, they were sitting atop Shinji’s bed, half-cuddling, an activity which Shinji had to admit he liked a good bit more than watching the series, though he wasn’t about to tell Kaworu that.The ashen-haired boy in question was currently using his free hand to flip through a book he had brought with him. From the look of it, it was a textbook on playwriting.Shinji wasn’t entirely sure whether Kaworu was actually reading it or not. Based on how quickly Kaworu moved from page to page, there were two options.Either Kaworu had a hidden talent for speed writing, or he was skimming through the volume rather than dissecting it in depth.Shinji personally thought the latter option seemed more likely.Not that he had an issue with that.

Shinji had laid his head on Kaworu’s shoulder several minutes earlier, and Kaworu had begun to absentmindedly play with Shinji’s hair at some point after this.Currently, Shinji was trying his best to stay awake.Falling asleep against his boyfriend was a tempting possibility, but he was doing all he could to resist it.Fighting against slumber’s call, Shinji cast his gaze over toward the window, where the sunset’s burnt light spilled into the room, setting all it touched ablaze with its orange hue.He realized it wouldn’t be too long before he needed to close his curtains and turn on a lamp.There was still a decent bit of summer left to go, probably a little less than a month now, but it was definitely on the decline, the amount of daylight diminishing in small increments with every passing day. _Just a couple of weeks ago, it would have still been bright right now,_ he noted to himself. _And in a couple weeks, the stars will be out by now.Time keeps on moving like that.It won’t be long now until the school year starts either.Even though it’s not quite past us yet, it already feels like one season has departed and another one is coming in._

Shinji curled his lips thoughtfully, letting his eyes wander out the window, to take in the view it offered in the light that remained.A decent amount of the backyard was visible, the open lawn stretching back and up a fair distance until it disappeared under tree boughs, giving way to the woods which covered most of the hill behind their side of the street.It was to this forest that Shinji’s eyes traveled next, focusing in on the sea of green which was slowly vanishing into darkness as the light receded.His thoughts drifted elsewhere, departing from the present moment and falling back into his memories.A note of something that might have been nostalgia, or at least as close of a sentiment as someone still relatively young was capable of feeling, seeped into his mind. This however, quickly gave way to a more melancholic sentiment, accompanying a correspondingly despondent train of thought. As sad as they were however, the memories which Shinji found himself wandering through internally had an undeniable pull to them. Another few minutes passed, before he raised his head from Kaworu’s shoulder and looked over at boyfriend ruminatively.Kaworu pulled his head away from his book and met Shinji’s gaze.“What’s up?”He asked amiably.

Shinji glanced back at the window once more, and then back at the other boy.He pursed his lips thoughtfully.

“Is everything okay?”Kaworu queried, his tone still relatively casual.Shinji, however, was able to discern the tiniest edge of unease to it, which coming from Kaworu, who generally maintained an air of nonchalance, was tantamount to an expression of concern.”

Shinji quickly nodded and replied.“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”A gentle hint of a blush colored his cheeks.“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Kaworu responded warmly, and then promptly chuckled.“I promise the pun was intentional.”

Shinji laughed as well, before tilting his head slightly to the side.“Wait, don’t you mean unintentional?”

Kaworu shook his head, the shadow of a grin creeping over his lips.“No, I’m pretty sure I said what I meant, and I meant what I said.”

“Oh.”Shinji paused for a moment, before realizing Kaworu’s original intent.He abruptly brought a palm up to slap against his forehead.“I can’t believe I just got it now.”His face was getting a little red once again.

“I’ll say it again,” Kaworu replied.“Don’t worry about it.”

Shinji rolled his eyes this time, a smiling breaking across his face.“Alright, I’ll do my best.”

“So, what’s going on?”Kaworu inquired, inclining his head forward a bit and setting his book down on the bed beside him.

Shinji’s smile faded into nonexistence.He looked down, tracing a pattern along a leg of his jeans.“I . . . had an idea,” he answered slowly, sounding almost hesitant.

“What sort of idea?”Kaworu queried, poking a little further.

Shinji reacted to this question with a snort of laughter indicative of chagrin.“Kind of a silly one, I guess,” he supplied after a moment, accompanying the statement with a mild shrug.

“Really?I doubt that.Your ideas are usually pretty great,” Kaworu quickly countered, a degree of skepticism in his tone.

“I don’t know about that,” Shinji demurred.“But I’m pretty sure this one’s sort of stupid.”He halted, and then added.“Just forget I said anything.”

“Hey, wait,” Kaworu said, reaching out a hand and sliding it into Shinji’s, before squeezing tightly.“Don’t say that.Knowing you, I'm pretty confident there’s no way it could be stupid.”

“Yeah, you say that now,” Shinji remarked, still looking down.

Kaworu frowned for an instant, but then his faced suddenly brightened, a grin developing upon it.“Well, however dumb you think your idea is, you got me curious about it, so per the internationally recognized code of good boyfriend conduct, I'm afraid I have to point out that you are now obligated to tell me what it is,” he announced comically.“So, ready to fess up?”

Shinji could help but smile at this, a definite improvement in his mood taking place.“Alright, you got me there. Guess I should stick to the code” he responded with a chuckle.He turned to stare back at Kaworu.“Want to go on a walk?”

“Sure,” Kaworu agreed without time for a second thought.He smiled kindly at his boyfriend.“Where did you have in mind?”

“Well,” Shinji began, “I was thinking of the woods out back.Up the hill.”

Kaworu nodded convivially.“That sounds like a good plan.And, for the record,” he continued, “I don’t think that’s a stupid idea at all.”

“Fair enough,” Shinji agreed shyly, averting his gaze once more.“Anyway, there’s something I kind of want to see.”

“Something you want to see?”Kaworu tilted his head, furrowing his brow.“You mean in the woods?”

“Yeah,” Shinji confirmed with an uncertain nod of his head.“Or, more accurately, something I want to show you, I guess.”

Kaworu squeezed his boyfriend’s hand again.“Well, whatever it is, I’m looking forward to seeing it.”

Shinji shot a brief glance at Kaworu.“You don't even know what it is yet," he remarked, a current of nervousness in his tone.

"I'm okay with that," Kaworu attested. "You don't need to tell me."

"You don’t want me to tell you?” Shinji inquired, sounding surprised in a pleasant way.

“Not if you don’t feel like it,” Kaworu answered.“Plus, I tend to like surprises.”

“Oh. Okay,” Shinji assented after a moment, his nerves calming down to a more manageable level, feeling a little grateful he didn't have to try to explain certain things to Kaworu yet.Detaching his hand from Kaworu’s, he slipped off the bed, rising to his feet.Kaworu followed, moving to stand beside his boyfriend.Shinji’s expression was still an occupied one, his eyes distant. He met Kaworu’s gaze for a moment, before turning and moving over toward the window.“Hey, would you mind turning on my lamp?”He asked, his tone suddenly pleasant in a distinctly fake way.

“No problem,” Kaworu answered, his face twisting in concern as he carried out the task.Shinji meanwhile, drew his curtains closed, cutting off the little light that had been coming in through the window, and then proceeded to grab his keys and his phone off of the top of his dresser, unplugging the latter object from its charging cable.

“Ready?”Shinji asked, still seeming somewhat distracted as he walked over to his doorway, pausing before it.

“Yep,” Kaworu agreed brightly, pushing away his concern.“Let’s get this show on the road.”

Shinji nodded at this.Leading the way, he headed downstairs, Kaworu following close behind.The house was fairly quiet at the moment. _Rei’s probably in her room. At this point, she's most likely reading or working on one of her writing projects,_ Shinji mused internally. _And there’s a good chance that mom already turned in for the night, considering the fact that she went in to work at five this morning because of some sort of test they were conducting._ Reaching the living room, the couple discovered that it was, just as Shinji had expected, vacant.Shinji made for the backdoor onto the porch, opening it and stepping out into the gathering night beyond, the orange flame of the sunset having subsided into the purple haze of dusk. 

Kaworu hesitated for a second, framed in the doorway.He raised any eyebrow quizzically.“Do you think we should let anyone know we’re leaving?”He asked Shinji, who hadn’t looked back and was already a good several steps ahead of him.

Shinji shot a look back and shook his head.“No, I think we’re good.I doubt they’ll even notice we’re gone.”He paused momentarily, before adding, “Just make sure that the door is locked though.”

“If you say so,” Kaworu said amicably, checking the door to ensure that it was indeed locked, before stepping out into the night and closing the door behind him.He caught up with Shinji, who was waiting in the middle of lawn, after a few seconds. 

Shinji smiled as his boyfriend approached.“All set?”He inquired.

“You know it,” Kaworu replied with a broad smile that Shinji felt appeared genuine. _That’s good,_ he thought to himself. _Hopefully he’s not still worried about me.He doesn’t need to be.But it’s not like I can really just say that and expect him to wholeheartedly believe me without any further explanation. I can't honestly fault him for wanting something a little more substantial than that. And some things are harder to explain than others.But . . . there’s not much point in going out to see it if I’m not going to explain anything to him once we get there.So, I guess I’ll have to do my best.It’s not as if he won’t understand.I think he will.I hope so anyway._

Shinji realized that he had fallen silent as he mulled over his thoughts, and that Kaworu was now beginning to look somewhat troubled once again.“Great!”Shinji hastily exclaimed, with a little too much forced enthusiasm. _Okay, so that was probably not the right way to go._ Kaworu wiped the anxiety from his face, grinning at his boyfriend, but Shinji was quite sure the worry was still there, merely hidden under a mask of excitement.Hoping to ameliorate the situation to some extent, and more specifically, alleviate the other boy’s concerns, Shinji brightly declared, “Then let the adventure begin!”

Kaworu seemed willing to play along, the grin remaining on his face.“Pulling a page out of my book, I see?”He commented in amusement.

“Well, they do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” Shinji offered in a sheepish tone.He switched on the torch feature on his phone, casting a beam of light across the lawn.

“That is true, I can’t argue with you there,” Kaworu admitted.“In that case,” he continued, adopting his usual composed demeanor, “I’m honored by the sentiment.You have my thanks.”He nodded formally in his boyfriend’s direction.

“You’re most welcome,” Shinji replied, a sincere smile crossing his lips, and a bit of a blush deepening the tone of his cheeks.In spite of his preoccupied mind, Kaworu always seemed to find a way to bring out his bashful side.In a way, he supposed there was something comforting to it.Shinji couldn’t deny, Kaworu’s usually brightened his mood, regardless of how he was feeling, and tonight was no exception to the rule.He could feel the weight which had begun to settle on his chest dissipating somewhat.

“I will do my best to repay you for your kindness,” Kaworu stated, miming a posh British accent.He mimicked Shinji’s earlier actions, pulling out his phone and switching on his torch as well, doubling the light which spread out over the grass at their feet.“It’s the least I can do.”

“If you say so,” Shinji replied, looking affectionately at the ashen-haired boy.

“I do indeed,” Kaworu responded, maintaining his fake accent.

Shinji gazed at his boyfriend for a few seconds more, before turning his focus to the woods before them.“We should get going before it gets any darker,” he opined softly.

“An excellent suggestion,” Kaworu concurred in a gemütlich tone.

Shinji paused for a moment longer, inhaling deeply, and then at last nodded gently and began to walk forward in the direction of the serried trees.Kaworu kept pace alongside his boyfriend, the twin lights from their phones moving in tandem, revealing the way as they went.In the span thirty seconds or so, they had covered the remainder of the yard proper and passed beneath the canopy of the woods.The darkness here was thicker, most of the light provided by the first quarter moon obscured by the leafy limbs spread above their heads, a verdant veil now dimmed to grey in the night.Still, however thick the darkness seemed to accumulate here, the light from their phones’ torches had no difficulty piercing it, uncovering the many mysteries of the sleeping wood wherever it fell.

The rise of the hill was a subtle, gradual incline, one which was quite easy to traverse, which in turn meant that the walk was a relatively relaxing one. The forest was warm about them, the sweltering heat of summer reduced to an agreeable temperature with the advent of nightfall.Numerous insects of different sorts buzzed through the air, the light reflecting off of their carapaces and gossamer wings.Every so often, the sound of some small animal skittering to and fro, perhaps a rodent of some kind, could be heard from within the underbrush.Still, all in all, the forest felt at peace around them.They made reasonably little noise as they progressed into the woods, walking with careful, intentional steps.Neither boy had any wish to disturb the calm which surrounded them.An unspoken understanding of this sort passed between them, and so while they maintained a moderate speed, they were also careful not to rush their hike.

There was no doubt that Shinji was technically the one leading, given that he had an actual destination in mind to which he was headed, and knew the topography of the hill.Still, he noted that Kaworu kept up alongside him for the most part, only slipping a little behind him on one or two occasions.A good ten minutes passed in this manner, in relative quiet, both boys taking in the atmosphere of the woods.Then, without warning, Shinji suddenly slowed to a halt.Kaworu did the same, pausing adjacent to his boyfriend.Shinji didn’t try to provide an explanation.His gaze shifted upwards, a new seed of apprehension having taken root in his mind.

“Want to take a break?”Kaworu asked tenderly.

Shinji warped his lips into a skewed arc, thinking the offer over, and then nodded.“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Kaworu asserted.He creased his forehead temporarily, before a glimmer in his eyes signaled that an idea had reached him.“Say, out of curiosity, do you know what sort of stuff lives up here?”

Shinji broke his gaze away from the leafy ceiling and looked over at his boyfriend.“As in animals, you mean?”

“I’d assume so,” Kaworu affirmed with a slight smile.Cocking an eyebrow and adopting his British persona once more, he added, “Unless, of course, there happened to be some form of extraterrestrial life dwelling up here, concealed with the dense foliage. They may have been right under our noses this entire time.”He waved his free hand mysteriously.

Shinji blinked, fleetingly nonplussed by the unexpected statement.“I’m gonna say that’s unlikely,” he replied after a moment.

“What a shame,” Kaworu responded, shaking his head in mock disappointment.Hanging his head, he morosely whistled the opening theme to a certain show under his breath.“And here I had hope.”

Shinji covered his mouth to hide his grin.He could tell that Kaworu was trying hard to cheer him up again.And, if he was to be “Well, the truth may be out there,” he mused, “But I don’t think it’s here specifically.”

“Oh well.In that case, I guess I’ll stick with asking about animals,” Kaworu said wryly.“Anything thrilling there?Bears?Lions?Tigers?”

“Oh my, I think your order is a bit off there,” Shinji commented in a dry tone, shaking his head in amusement.

“It’s all a matter of perspective,” Kaworu mused thoughtfully.“You never know, maybe I was ranking them in order of how much I want to see them.”

“So you’re saying you’d rather see a bear than a lion?”Shinji asked, furrowing his brow.

“Well sure,” Kaworu confirmed.“I think I’d have the best chance of surviving that.”

Shinji hesitated for a moment.“Umm, okay.”

“Plus, there’s also the fact that bears actually live here.And lions and tigers don’t.A bit of an important difference,” Kaworu observed.

“That’s a good point,” Shinji acknowledged with a nod.“But, I think there’s one thing you’re forgetting,” he opined.

Kaworu tilted his head.“Do tell.”

“We could always run into a mountain lion,” Shinji pointed out.

“Are there some in the region?”Kaworu asked, sounding somewhat intrigued.

Shinji nodded.“There are sightings occasionally.”

“I guess you make a fair case then,” Kaworu conceded.“In my defense though, _Panthera leo_ and _Puma concolor_ are totally different species.Personally,” Kaworu asserted humorously, “I think the cougars just got the bad end of the stick.”

“Uh, if you say so,” Shinji agreed after a moment, his eyebrows halfway up his forehead.“They are related though, you know.”

“They’re both felines, I’ll give you that much,” Kaworu admitted.“But if we really wanted to get technical, I’m pretty sure cougars are more closely related to lynxes.It’s a matter of Felinae versus Pantherinae.The iconic five-to-ten million-year-old debate.”

“There’s a debate?”Shinji queried, a bit skeptical.

“Oh definitely, the classic roar versus purr argument.The last I heard about it was that the leopards had made a pretty convincing case for why roaring was superior, but that the leopards cats, important distinction there, were preparing what they characterized as a ‘strong, scientifically-based counterargument.’I do wish them the best of luck.”

“Okaaaayy,” Shinji said slowly, pursing his lips to hide his amusement.

“It really is a thrilling saga.It’s been going on for quite some time.Of course, it’s only part of a larger issue,” Kaworu continued, in a tone which suggested he possessed considerable knowledge on the matter.“Ever since the Great Cat Convention of Nineteen-Eighty Six, when the Felinae declared that they were no longer content to live in the shadow of their Pantherinae relatives, and felt that they deserved equal representation in wildlife documentaries.”

“Makes sense,” Shinji stated matter-of-factly, deciding it might be best to just play along with Kaworu's shenanigans.

“Yep,” Kaworu concurred.“I mean, at the time, according to statistics, over sixty percent of scenes in documentaries dedicated to felines featured lions or tigers exclusively.The only Felinae who ever got any attention were the cheetahs, and as anyone who’s tried to have a polite discussion with a cheetah knows, they’re all a bunch of pompous asshats as a result.You try to start up a pleasant conversation about the weather, and before you know it, they interrupt you to tell you about how they made it onto the front cover of _Felines Illustrated_ last week.Look, I know a cheetah has taken gold in every single track and field event since the conception of the Feline World Championships, but they don’t need to rub it in the entire caracal population's collective face.No one likes that sort of attitude.”

“Very true,” Shinji assented, holding back a laugh.

“Fortunately, things are looking up,” Kaworu announced.“There’s been substantial progress in recognizing how important Felinae are in the feline world.”

“That’s good,” Shinji said with a smile.

“I know, isn’t it?The whole _Warriors_ series was a big win.I mean, a fully _Felis catus_ main cast?Not gonna lie, that’s pretty cool.I mean, a protagonist that wasn’t a lion was practically unheard of prior to that.And no, despite the arguments made by certain prominent Pantherinae figures, the cat who comes back to life in _Pet Sematary_ doesn’t count as a protagonist!”

“Why would anyone think that?”Shinji inquired in a dubious voice.

“My point exactly,” Kaworu returned.“Calling a character a protagonist just because they show up in a movie is either a dead giveaway that you’ve never seen the movie in question and are just trying to bs your way into sounding like you kind of know what you’re talking about, or an indication that you have no concept of the different types of roles characters occupy in a work of fiction, be it a film, play, or novel.Or, you’re just being a dick.That option’s always on the table as well.And let’s just be real here for a second, that cat is pretty clearly primarily a side character, and maybe, and this is a big maybe, keep in mind, an antagonist if you stretch the definition.”

Shinji blinked several times, taking all of this rapidly-delivered information in and processing it.“You sure know a lot about cats,” he observed after a few moments of quiet transpired between the two boys.

“Why thank you, thank you, I aim to please,” Kaworu replied with a broad smile.“The question now is, did I succeed?”He paused for a moment, and then observed, with absolute seriousness,“Why, woefully, I seem to see, poor poetry, doth flow from me.”

Shinji clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle his snort of laughter.“Did you just come up with that on the spot?”

“Do you mean the rhyme scheme, or the whole cat bit?”Kaworu asked with an affable smirk, an expression which, as oxymoronic as any description of it might make it out to be, he somehow managed to pull off without a hint of mendacity.

“Uhh, all of it really,” Shinji supplied, giggling as he did so.

“Then, to be honest with you,” Kaworu began, following the phrase with a brief pause for effect, “The answer is yes to the authorship portion of the question, but no to the spontaneous element.”

“That’s still pretty impressive,” Shinji averred, seeming somewhat surprised by the answer.“I thought you were at least basing it on something.”

“Nope, one hundred percent my own wacky creation.I pulled it from the deepest depths of my brain.I keep a specially marked file in a secret vault somewhere back there. It's labelled, ‘possibly brilliant, possibly garbage comedy routine ideas to try out on Shinji before I introduce the larger world to my creative endeavors.’You always get the first look at all of my material.I want to make sure I have someone I can trust to steer me down the right path if there are any edits I need to make, or even whole bits that really are best taken back to the lab and reworked.Think of yourself as one of those test audiences that views a film before it gets officially released” Kaworu attested, his voice giving no indication that he was being anything other than wholly serious. 

Shinji was momentarily perplexed by the statement.“Umm,” he began in confusion, “I’m really not sure that I’m the best person to test that sort of stuff on.I mean, I don’t know if I could really offer all that much helpful criticism—“

“Relax Baby,” Kaworu cut him off gently.“I was just messing with you there for a minute.Come on, you should know me well enough by now to know that half the time, I just make shit up as I go along,” he remarked sweetly.“It’s fun to see how you’ll react.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Shinji recognized awkwardly after a long few seconds of looking rather confounded, a flush sneaking in beneath his eyes.

“Case in point,” Kaworu observed affectionately.He reached out and brushed his fingers against Shinji’s.Shinji’s blush blossomed from the tone of a pale rose to a hue closer to sangria.Kaworu moved his hand up and used it to guide Shinji into a hug.Shinji, for his part, entered into the gesture willingly, burying his face against the shoulder of Kaworu’s t-shirt, and lacing his arms around his boyfriend’s back.

“You know Shinji,” Kaworu observed, his voice almost directly in Shinji’s ear, “I have to say, you’re pretty cute when you get flustered.Just in case you've forgotten since the last time I told you, I figured I should remind you.”

In response to this, Shinji made a mostly unintelligible sound into Kaworu’s shoulder that might have been a “stoooooopppp,” had it not been muffled beyond recognition.

“What was that?”Kaworu asked, feigning ignorance.“I couldn’t quite make that out.”

Shinji muttered again into the fabric of the shirt, no more articulately than the first time.Kaworu decided to be nice all the same and not tease his boyfriend any further.“Oh, alright, if you insist.”He grinned, but refrained from making any further remarks regarding Shinji’s cuteness factor.

A few more moments passed before Shinji gently pulled away, seeming somewhat reluctant to do so, but steeling himself anyway.His face wasn’t quite so red anymore, but it was still a decent bit crimson.Shinji sent a glare in Kaworu’s direction, but it lacked any real bite.The expression on Kaworu’s face was one which indicated he probably found the attempt adorable, but Shinji managed to keep it together nonetheless.“You’re obnoxious,” he opined, sounding part enamored and part irritated, which fairly represented how he was feeling.

Kaworu shrugged, brushing the comment off as if it was nothing more than a fleck of dirt which had the audacity to soil his clothes, or some other undesirable object in an equally trivial situation.“I have absolutely no idea what you’re referring to,” he replied offhandedly.“I’m many things, but I don’t believe obnoxious is one of them.”

“Riiight,” Shinji uttered.“I’m sure it’s not.”

Kaworu casually noted, “Trust me, I’d let you know if it was.I believe it’s always important to be honest with your partner about your own shortcomings, rather than attempt to conceal them.Otherwise, you run the risk of developing a relationship that involves false pretenses, and believe me, that will come back to haunt you down the road.Sort of a highway type of ghost, you know.The kind that gives the interstate spooky vibes after midnight, when you’re driving through the middle of nowhere, and your ‘check engine’ light comes on, and then you start hearing weird noises from your engine, and so you pull over to check what’s up, and when you get out of your car, a horror movie theme starts playing out of nowhere, and you get the sense that you’re being watched, and then—“

“I get the idea,” Shinji interrupted, raising a hand.“No need to go on describing the opening to the next _Friday the Thirteenth_ sequel.”

“What about the opening to the next reboot?”Kaworu asked, sounding a bit too excited by the loophole.

“Definitely off the table,” Shinji rapidly responded.

“Oh, alright,” Kaworu assented, simulating a small amount of disappointment.“I guess the middle of the woods at—“ he glanced down to check his phone “—9:08 isn’t the best of locations to start talking about horror movies.Even if it does add a certain sense of atmosphere to the subject.I mean, you really have the opportunity to visualize yourself in the midst of one. After all, we both know that almost anything could be lurking out there beyond the light.There could be terrible demonic entities stalking us both in the dark, waiting for the opportune moment to strike, and then—”

Though Shinji couldn’t say that he was particularly put off by horror movies, or that he got scared all that easily, he also couldn’t say that he had any great desire to listen to Kaworu theorize about the possibility of being hunted by some sort of evil demon while they were in the middle of the woods in the dark.“The middle of the woods at 9:08 is definitely not the best place to start talking about horror movies.So how about we not talk about horror movies, or the possibilities of stalker demons?”He hastily interjected, both concurring with Kaworu’s original statement and offering an alternative route of his own.

Kaworu ceased talking temporarily.“Fair enough.I can live with that.”

“Uhh, great,” Shinji opined cautiously.

“Anyway, did it work?”Kaworu queried, apropos of nothing.

Shinji, taken aback by the question, and unsure of to what it was referring, reacted with a question of his own.“Did what work?”

“Well, everything,” Kaworu answered, spreading out his hands and sending the light from his phone shooting off into the tree limbs overtop of them.“Did it help make things better?”

Shinji wavered for a second, digesting the question.He found, without too much difficulty, that he had a straightforward answer for his boyfriend.“Yeah,” he affirmed.“It did.”

“Then it was time well spent,” Kaworu avowed cheerily, a smile lighting up his face.

“If you say so,” Shinji remarked tentatively, not entirely sure if it was an acceptable response.Kaworu, however, seemed to view it as such.

“Well, I do,” Kaworu reaffirmed congenially.“No arguments allowed.”He reached out his free hand and took Shinji’s hand into it, interlacing their fingers together.“Ready to keep going wherever it is we’re going?”He questioned kindly.

Shinji thought for a moment, and then nodded.“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Lead on Baby,” Kaworu said amiably, “I promise I’ll be right beside you when we get there.”

Shinji looked down toward their intertwined hands and smiled.“I’m glad,” he stated softly, his voice thick with a mixture of emotions, caught between the sense of endearment warming his chest, the melancholy brought on by the thought of exactly where they were headed and the memories the place held, and a now-diminished, but still present, quantity of anxiety instigated by considering that he had finally resolved to share at least a portion of these memories with Kaworu.

“So am I,” Kaworu attested.Together, they started walking again, heading further into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> In case anyone is curious, the show that Kaworu shows Shinji shortly before the events of this chapter is "Life On Mars."
> 
> Bonus reader points to you if you catch all of the numerous references in this chapter.


	9. Memories (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Kaworu reach their destination in the woods, and share a long conversation there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second half of "Memories" everybody. Wow, this turned out to be a behemoth of a chapter. Sorry for the long delay with this one, hopefully it's worth it! I'll try to get the next "episode" of We'll Make It to August out quicker. I have a couple different ideas I'm working with, but I think the next installment might be one that features the whole cast, so to speak.

Shinji slowed to a stop in the middle of a small clearing, bringing Kaworu to a halt alongside him, their hands still linked.Shinji said nothing, his gaze focused on one of the trees in front of them, lit up in the twin beams from the torches on their phones.Kaworu furtively glanced about, trying to determine whether or not they had reached their destination.This was easier said than done. _I don’t see anything out of the ordinary here.Nothing jumps out as unusual or different.It looks untouched, natural.Just like most of these woods.So maybe he’s just pausing here for a minute because he needs a break, or he’s still feeling uncertain?_

_I could try to encourage him again.But, on the other hand, if this is the place, and he just doesn’t want to say anything about it, or he needs some time before he feels up to talking about whatever makes this place important to him, that might not be the right way to go.I could always ask him directly, but based on how he seems to be feeling tonight, he might not give me a clear answer to that either.There’s a chance that could end up making him feel guilty, which might only make things more difficult._

Kaworu looked back over to his boyfriend once more, who still seemed to be transfixed by one of the trees before them.Based on the trajectory of where their lights were shining, it was hard to make out the expression on Shinji’s face.Most of it was lost to the darkness, which didn’t help Kaworu ascertain how the other boy was feeling.He followed Shinji’s gaze over to the tree Shinji had been staring down for the better part of a minute, but that didn’t yield any particularly helpful answers either.Kaworu thought it was an oak tree, but he wasn’t sure what variety it was. _Guess I’ll have to look into the native species at some point._ One thing was sure: it was a sizeable tree, extending upward until its definition was lost to the shadow, and Kaworu could only make out the imprint of it against the sky above.Simply from comparing it to some of the other trees around it that were in his range of sight, it looked to be the largest one in the immediate vicinity.Kaworu did note, with some curiosity, that there seemed to be more substantial ring of space between it and in the other trees in the clearing, compared to the proximity of the other trees to each other.This gave the larger oak room for its branches to spread out wider above it, a broadleaved crown unfurled above their heads.

Kaworu pulled his eyes away from scrutinizing the oak, and regarded Shinji once more, careful to keep his own expression open, but fairly neutral as well.Shinji remained quiet, though his gaze had shifted down from the tree to the ground about the base of it.Kaworu noted that Shinj’s grip had loosened, the other boy’s hand growing limp in his own.He looked down to their interlaced fingers with a brief degree of concern, but shoved it aside in his mind and followed the course of Shinji’s eyes again, taking in the base of the tree.Once again, his visual survey failed to discover anything that jumped out to him as meaningful.

_I’ll give him another couple of minutes.In case he just needs more time.After that, I’ll ask him if this is the place.Hopefully that will work alright._

Another couple of minutes passed (at least by Kaworu’s estimate, though he didn’t turn to his phone to confirm that estimate), and Shinji gave no indication that he was going to speak soon.Kaworu decided it was time to take a bit of a risk.Kaworu decided it was time to take a bit of a risk. _I just need to be careful and attentive, and make sure I’m sincere with what I say.It’ll be fine._

Kaworu gently edged his way a little closer to his boyfriend, and broke his hand away from Shinji.The other boy twitched slightly as he did so, but said nothing.Kaworu raised his now-free hand and rested it on Shinji’s shoulder lightly.“Is this the place?”He asked softly, his voice earnest.

Shinji gave no response for a few moments, but at last, he slowly nodded.“Yeah,” he confirmed, his voice distant.“This is the place.”

Kaworu nodded in acknowledgement.He gave Shinji’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.“Okay.Take all the time you need.”

“Thanks,” Shinji replied taciturnly.

Silence fell between them for another couple of minutes, both boys standing still, like a pair of statues enveloped by the woods about them.Shinji looked over to Kaworu eventually, breaking the spell of petrification.“Do you mind if we sit down?”He asked.

Kaworu shook his head.“Not at all.”Withdrawing his hand from the other boy’s shoulder, he began to lower himself down to the ground, intent on taking a seat exactly where he was standing, but Shinji held out a hand to stop him.

“Wait,” Shinji said, his tone thoughtful.“Not here.”

Kaworu halted his descent and rose back to a standing position.“Okay,” he assented, not quite sure what his boyfriend had in mind.He shot a quick glance around the clearing. _It’s not like there’s a bench or something out here,_ he thought humorously.Shinji didn’t immediately supply an alternative spot.Instead, he tilted his head to the side, and formed his face into an expression that looked as though he was debating something.Kaworu hesitated for a moment, not wanting to rush Shinji, but then inquired, “So, if not here, where’d you have in mind?”

“Oh.”Shinji blinked for a minute, turning to his boyfriend abashedly.“Sorry.” 

Kaworu inclined his head in curious amusement.“No need to apologize,” he responded with an affectionate chuckle.

“Uh, okay,” Shinji replied awkwardly.“Anyway, I’ll show you what I mean.”

“Sounds good,” Kaworu said, his voice kind.Shinji shuffled forward, his steps appearing rather reluctant, until he reached the base of the large tree before them, where he rotated about and lowered himself down, to sit with his back up against it.Kaworu went alongside beside his boyfriend and followed suit.

Shinji looked at his boyfriend, now seeming thoroughly embarrassed.Kaworu met his gaze with a smile, hoping he might be able to set the other boy at least somewhat at ease.That didn’t seem terribly likely though, all things considered.“This is okay, right?”Shinji asked, in a substantially anxious tone, even by his usual standards.

“Of course it is,” Kaworu answered firmly.“Trust me, I don’t mind where we sit.”He tried out his best ‘you don’t need to worry, because I think you’re amazing’ face on Shinji.Normally, this particular look had the effect of inducing a happy, blushing glow in his boyfriend, but it fell a bit short of that measure this time.Shinji seemed as though he was trying to force a smile back at Kaworu, but it refused to come out right.The end result was a lopsided twist in his lips, that only served to make him appear even more anxious than he had looked prior to his attempt at smiling.

“You sure?”Shinji asked again, his voice revealing that he clearly doubted Kaworu’s assurance.

Kaworu reached out a hand and took one of Shinji’s into it once again.“I’m one hundred percent sure.Give or take that zero-point-one degree of variance that companies always put on their products,” he added with a witty grin, hoping that the joke might lighten Shinji’s spirits a bit. _It worked earlier, maybe it’ll work again now.It’s definitely worth a shot at least._ “You know, I’m like a disinfectant wipe: good to clean ninety-nine-point-nine percent of germs.Except in my case, I’m fine with sitting in ninety-nine-point-nine percent of seats.Something’s seriously wrong with that other point-one percent.And I mean seriously.As in, classifying them as seats is a bit of a crime against the totality of seat-kind.”

Kaworu felt a small bit of relief as Shinji’s smile became somewhat more authentic in response to his joke. _Well, that did something._

“Alright,” Shinji finally granted, apparently at last satisfied that Kaworu was being truthful.“This doesn’t fall into that point-one percent though, right?”He continued, the lilt in his tone making it clear that he was attempting to play along with Kaworu’s joke.

Kaworu grinned wider.“It does not.He shot a looked down at the ground beside him, shining his torch down at it for a moment.“Believe me, in comparison to those seats, this one is practically luxurious.I mean, this here —” he inclined his head down at the area illuminated by his light — “Looks like genuine, all-natural, locally-grown moss upholstery!This stuff’s not cheap, you know.I’ve heard it goes for a premium back east.I mean, Ontario’s got nothing on this.The moss there just can’t compare!”

Shinji laughed at this, a beautiful sound to Kaworu’s ears.“You know, that sounds like it could be a slogan from a cheesy local ad,” he observed, his sadness evidently tempered to some extent by Kaworu’s humor.

“It really does, doesn’t it?”Kaworu concurred.“Maybe that’s my true calling.Selling furniture.What do you think, do I have what it takes?”

“You’ve got my endorsement,” Shinji confirmed.“If Leon’s ever comes to me looking for their next commercial spokesperson, I’ll send them your way.”

“Good to know I can count on you Baby,” Kaworu remarked with a fond wink over at Shinji.A flush crept over his cheeks, and he looked down at his lap.Kaworu was pleased to see that the gesture had had the intended effect.

A quiet spell fell between the two boys once more, the brief comedic interlude passing, and the mood lapsing back into rumination for both of them.Shinji took in a deep, sighing breath after about thirty seconds had elapsed.Kaworu studied his face.It was bent in tightly, the very image of hyper-attentiveness, as if Shinji was wholly devoting his focus to something, and that particular thing had now taken up residence in his mind and was calling the shots in it.

Propping his phone against his leg so that the torch’s would continue shining up and outwards to light the space, Kaworu reached his hand out to sweep down against the side of Shinji’s cheek.Shinji snapped to the side to face his boyfriend, his entire frame tensing for a moment, before it relaxed once more.The tension lingered, however, in his mask, drawing the skin across it tight, his lips curled into a half-frown.“Do you want to talk about it?”Kaworu asked deliberately, his tone tender and accepting.

Shinji nodded, a slow, ambivalent motion.“Yeah.”

“I’ll be here to listen.”Kaworu said simply, squeezing Shinji’s hand and brushing a strand of hair back out of the other boy’s face.

“Okay.”

Another lapse of silence fell between them.Kaworu guessed it must be sometime well after nine-thirty at this point, but he didn’t feel like looking down to find out for certain.The woods still seemed tranquil enough. _There’s no reason to worry about the time.However long it takes will be alright._

Following an indeterminate length of time, which Kaworu didn’t really bother trying to measure, Shinji began, “I guess I’ve never really told you all that much about my dad, huh?”

Kaworu reflected, for an instant or so, on what he knew of Shinji’s father.Shinji’s words were most definitely not incorrect. _I know that he hasn’t been a major part of Shinji’s life since Shinji was seven, maybe eight, years old, and that he lives in Vancouver now, where Shinji visits him for a week every summer.That’s about all.Now that I think about it, I don’t even know his name.Then again, does that really matter one way or another?_

“No, I suppose not,” Kaworu admitted with a nod.

“I don’t really like to talk about him too much,” Shinji stated calmly, his voice reticent, as if he had taken effort to remove any emotion from it.

“I understand,” Kaworu said.“That makes sense.”

“Remind me what I’ve told you,” Shinji requested, his tone still neutral, disconnected from what he was saying.“If you don’t mind.”

Kaworu watched his boyfriend, internally concerned by Shinji’s sudden concealment of his emotions, but grasping what inspired it well enough.Still, he had never seen Shinji act like this, and it caught him off guard a bit, to say the least.“Not at all,” Kaworu replied.“Let’s see . . . from what I can recall, your parents separated, and he left in two-thousand-and-one, he lives in Vancouver now, and you go to visit him every summer.Is my memory holding up okay?”

Shinji nodded.“Yeah, I’d say so.”

“Good,” Kaworu replied. _I knew it was either two-thousand-and-one or two-thousand-and-two, I just wasn’t sure which.Guess I made the right choice though.Either that or he just doesn’t feel like correcting me . . . I hope that’s not the case, but it’s certainly possible._

Shinji was silent after Kaworu’s response for a few more seconds, and Kaworu momentarily wondered if he should say something more, but then the other boy began to speak once more.

“He teaches now, but when I was little, when he was still here, he worked in research for a company.I think they were called NERV.Don’t ask me what it means, because I have no idea . . .”Shinji hesitated for a moment, and then shrugged.“I never really cared enough to look into them.”

“That’s understandable,” Kaworu remarked.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Shinji continued.“Anyway, I’m pretty sure they were involved in some sort of medical field, but I was too young to ever really grasp what my dad worked on.And he definitely never tried very hard to explain it to me.He teaches genetics now though, so I assume it was something related to that.”

Kaworu nodded once again, signaling his comprehension.

“He was obsessed with his work though,” Shinji went on.“He spent almost all of his time on it.There would be times when I might go the majority of a week without seeing him, because he didn’t get home until long after I was already in bed, and he left even before I had to get up for the day to make it to school.”Shinji furrowed in his eyebrows for a moment in thought.“Honestly, looking back, I sort of wonder when he actually slept.”

“Makes sense,” Kaworu concurred.

Shinji didn’t address this comment, instead carrying on with the topic at hand.“And there were other times too, when he would leave altogether, on trips related to his research, sometimes for weeks at a time.But oftentimes, I thought it was better that way.”

Kaworu tilted his head, wondering to what exactly Shinji was referring, though he had an inkling of what it might be.

“Because,” Shinji continued, “Whenever he was home for too long, my mom and he ended up fighting.”He trailed off for a few moments, looking as though he was reliving an example of this in his memory.Kaworu gave Shinji’s hand a squeeze, still giving the other boy his full attention.

“It wasn’t the stereotypical kind of fighting, with the shouting, cursing, all of that.The whole thing was sort of subdued in an odd way.They made disparaging remarks that went right over my head as a little kid, and sometimes my dad would start an argument over something stupid, but they never got heated.They were always cold, kind of bitter.Instead of yelling, they ‘shouted’ back and forth at each other in loud whispers.I guess . . . I guess some people might call it passive-aggressive.But whatever you’d say it was, things were always tense because of their dynamic.I don’t think I could have put into words why back then, but I could always tell when my parents were about to start fighting.And I would always get scared, and try to find a place out of the way to hide until everything blew over.”

With these words spoken, Shinji grew quiet once more, his eyes searching the ground beneath him for something which Kaworu suspected only he knew existed.Kaworu still found that he had several questions, but he thought it was most likely best to be patient and give Shinji time to carry on when, and if, he felt comfortable doing so.Kaworu gave his boyfriend’s hand a firm squeeze, smiling compassionately at him.Shinji glanced up at him for a moment and attempted to return the smile with one of his own, though it came out lopsided and forced.After a moment, he averted his eyes once more.

“Don’t feel like you have to keep going on my account,” Kaworu said gently, his concern evident in his voice.

Shinji shook his head slowly.“It’s okay.I don’t feel like that.I’m doing this because I want to.Really.Trust me.”The look on his face was sincere and fairly convincing, and though Kaworu still had his reservations, he did his best to accept his boyfriend’s statement as true.

“Alright.I just wanted to make sure,” Kaworu replied.

Shinji only nodded back at this.After a few more moments passed in silence between the two of them, he took in a firm, slow inhale, and started talking again.“I guess you can probably imagine, based on the type of person my dad was — well, is, actually, I guess, since it’s not as though he’s all that different today — I didn’t really have a great relationship with him.”Shinji halted temporarily, and then proceeded to amend this statement.“Okay, that’s probably not the best way to put it.I didn’t just lack a good relationship with him, if I'm being honest, I didn’t have much of a relationship at all with him.I mean, the rare times when he was actually around when I was home, he was usually busy with something related to his work.He certainly wasn’t going to put the brakes on whatever that might be so he could spend time with me.”Shinji frowned, clearly affected by the memories, despite the decade that had passed since they were formed, and his young age at said time.

Kaworu said nothing, merely dipping his head in consideration and keeping the physical connection between Shinji and himself steady.Shinji went on, speaking a little quicker this time.“But there were a handful of things he would do with me.Sometimes he would go through old science books of his with me, textbooks and guidebooks, those sorts of thing.Obviously, I had no idea what they were about, but there were a few really neat pictures in them, diagrams of different processes, different plants, animals, all sorts of stuff.He would try to break things down and explain them to me in simplified terms that I could understand, but honestly, I don’t think that was his forte.He thought he was making it easier to understand, but I don’t think he really fully grasped that I was literally only a kid.I don’t remember a lot of his explanations, but I remember my mom arguing with him over them more than once, about how he was describing things in a way that would probably make sense to a high schooler, but that he would have to try harder if he wanted to be able to put things in a way that would make sense to me.Anyway, you can probably guess I didn’t get most of what he tried to tell me, and eventually, he would always get annoyed by the fact that I couldn’t understand even once he 'translated' the ideas into what he thought was basic language, and that would be the end of that.I always ended up feeling terrible over it, like I was the problem.Like it was my fault that I couldn’t understand, that it was a shortcoming on my part.Like I was inadequate, that I needed to fix myself somehow.It took me years to figure out that I wasn’t to blame for it.That I was really just a kid, and that I did the best that I could, and he shouldn’t have expected what he did from me.”Shinji paused.His tone had grown progressively more downcast as he spoke, and he now seemed thoroughly disheartened.

“I understand why you would feel that way,” Kaworu said in empathy.“It’s hard to feel as though you’re not matching up to the standards of someone you care about.Especially if it’s a parent.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that,” Shinji agreed bitterly.

“Not all standards are fair though,” Kaworu mused.“Some might serve a purpose, but many do more harm than good.They’re skewed, biased, downright prejudiced.”

“You can say that again,” Shinji concurred, a note of resentment present in his voice.Angling to the side, he leaned his head on Kaworu’s shoulder.Kaworu nuzzled his own head against his boyfriend’s.Shinji sighed, sounding a bit conflicted.

“I suppose there’s not much point in spouting off something you already know, huh?”Kaworu observed softly.

“Probably not,” Shinji replied, raising his head back up.He edged himself in closer to Kaworu, cuddling up to his boyfriend.Kaworu gently extracted his hand from Shinji’s, and brought his arm up to loop around Shinji’s shoulders.

After a few seconds, Kaworu said affectionately, “You know, I really have to say, I think those sorts of standards are altogether idiotic.”

“Why am I not surprised?”Shinji responded, his voice still melancholy.

“Fair enough,” Kaworu remarked in turn.“Anyway, in line with that, I’m not sure if I’ve used these exact words before, but in case you didn’t know already, I think you’re a pretty wonderful person.”

Shinji snorted sadly to this.“Heh, thanks.”

“I don’t say that lightly,” Kaworu said kindly.“I mean it.”Adopting a faux-English accent, he added, “To put it simply, you’re quite smashing!”

Shinji giggled, still undoubted sadly, but also evidently amused by this.“Glad your British side thinks I’m okay too.”

“Trust me,” Kaworu said, “If the English didn’t like you, they would collectively be missing out on an altogether fantastic individual!”

“I think that’s a bit of a stretch,” Shinji objected.

“Not at all,” Kaworu countered.“Let’s look all of the applicable adjectives: intelligent, kind, creative, funny, dangerously cute when you blush — oops, not sure how that one snuck in there, it’s not an adjective at all!More of a phrase really.Not to say it’s false, of course.I would never be party to such deceit.”

Shinji rolled his eyes, a faint flush coloring his cheeks.He glanced away, off in the direction of his torch’s beam.“Oh, come on, I’m not that great,” he protested.

“Is that disagreement I’m hearing?”Kaworu inquired vigorously.“Because I assure you, I have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to dissent.I won’t brook it, whether it’s an ocean of doubts or the river of denial!”

Shinji looked back, blinking.“Are you making water puns now?”

“Ah, so you ‘sea’ what I did there?”Kaworu returned.“Trust me, I got a whole reservoir full of them.They’re ‘dam’ good, if I do say so myself.I guess you could say they rule, or better yet, they ‘rain.’What do you think, should I ‘shower’ you with some more?Just let them flow out ‘stream’ of consciousness-style?”

Shinji facepalmed, unable to remain wholly depressed in the face of such relentlessly bad humor.“Stoooop,” he moaned.“You’re going to make me even more miserable.”

Kaworu pulled a frown.His eyes promptly lit up, as a new idea came to him.“So, you’re saying that water puns aren’t exactly your scene then?What about something more appropriate to our present location?”

Shinji looked up, his eyes widening.“Oh no, you don’t mean—”

“Forest puns,” Kaworu answered before Shinji could finish his statement.“‘Wood’ you like to hear some?Or should I ‘leaf’ it at that?I don’t want to ‘bark’ up the wrong tree.”

“Why are you like this?”Shinji asked, shaking his head in amusement, in spite of himself.

“Well, I haven’t been able to get a doctor’s opinion on it yet,” Kaworu began in response, “But I believe that it may be because I’m addicted to seeing you smile.Like I said, that’s not an official medical diagnosis or anything, so don’t take my word as law or anything, but according to my research, it seems highly plausible.”

“Research?”Shinji questioned dubiously, looking a bit at a loss for any good comeback to that statement.

“Indeed.And, I only use the most credible sources, so you can be sure that they’re absolutely reliable and accurate.”

“I really don’t want to ask what you mean by ‘the most credible sources’ do I?”

“Well, I can’t advise you on that one way or another.You’ll just have to ask and see what happens.”

Shinji inclined his head, the smallest trace of a smile curling the edges of his mouth upward.“Okay, let me rephrase that: will I regret it if I ask you what you mean?”

Kaworu gave a partial shrug with his free shoulder.“I’m afraid I can’t answer that either.The choice is in your hands: will you press on and take the risk?”

“Why does it feel like this is slowly turning into a truth or dare game?”Shinji shot back skeptically.

“Personally, I would say we’re closer to would you rather than truth or dare, but I suppose in technicality, it’s all a matter of perspective when it comes down to it.Anyway, the issue still stands, are you gonna ask me or not?”

Shinji shook his head, his lips twisting once more into the dim shadow of a smile.“Fine, I guess I’ll bite.What’s your definition of credible sources?”

“Only the finest blogs and forums,” Kaworu replied.

“I should have known,” Shinji responded, rolling his eyes.

“Honestly, I could try to be nice and say you had no way of predicting that, but really, you should have,” Kaworu attested with a light grin.

“Yeah, I can’t argue with you there,” Shinji agreed. 

A brief moment of silence passed, before Kaworu asked carefully, “So, do you want to head back soon?”

Shinji shook his head, the shadow of a smile which had touched his face fading back into nonexistence in the process.“Not yet.I haven’t even told you why we’re out here.It would be sort of pointless to bring you here if I didn’t even bother to explain that.”

“Don’t feel as though you have to,” Kaworu stated.“I wouldn’t mind at all if you didn’t.I’m just happy to be able to spend time with you, whatever we’re doing.And I like it out here too.You don’t need to do anything to ‘make up for’ or ‘justify’ bringing me out here.I wouldn’t have agreed to come if I didn’t want to myself.I’m glad we’re here.”

Shinji twisted his lips into a sort of frown, looking as though he was thinking this over.Eventually, he shook his head once more.“No, I just . . . I want to talk about it.About it specifically.Otherwise it’ll still be on my mind.And then I think I would end up feeling like this was all pointless anyway. Even if it's not for you, I think I need to do it for me.Does that make sense?”

Kaworu nodded.“Yeah, that makes sense. In that case, I'm all ears.”

“Okay.”Shinji raised his head, looking up into the night sky reflectively.“One of the other things my dad did with me was take me out here.He liked to go for walks in the woods sometimes.Maybe it helped him focus and clear his mind, or something like that.I don’t really know for sure.But occasionally, he would let me come along.He would point out and name different plants as we went, and tell me different ‘fun facts’ about them, that sort of thing.It was probably the happiest I ever was with him, because he never tried to test me or anything like that.He just told me things and let me absorb everything we saw.It was like the woods brought out a different side of him.He was less . . . I dunno, less intense, I guess?He was as close to happy as I can remember ever seeing him when we were out here.Not that he wasn’t still a not-so-great person.It wasn’t likely he became a totally new individual, or anything that extreme.He was just . . . less of a jerk.That’s probably the best way I can describe it.”

Shinji fell silent for a few moments, and then continued, “We would end up coming by this tree specifically a lot.”He tapped the back of his head against the trunk behind them.“He was always impressed by it.It stood out from the rest of them to him.”Shinji shrugged slightly.“I guess it was probably the size.I mean, I think it might be the biggest tree up here in our ‘backyard,’ so to speak.And he always talked about how this particular tree was perfect for climbing.He even climbed a little way up it once while I watched.Just to one of the lower branches though. ”

Kaworu nodded to this, craning his head moderately to the side so that he could look back and up on the branches of the trees spreading out above them.“That’s definitely a possibility,” he mused thoughtfully.

“I never understood why someone would think that either of those things were all that impressive though,” Shinji continued.“It might the biggest one on this hill, but there are plenty of larger ones elsewhere.We kind of live in the middle of a forest.It’s not all that hard to find some sizeable trees.Or trees that you can climb, if you want to.”

“You don’t say,” Kaworu remarked with a small grin.“I never would have guessed.”Shinji gave a weak smile back in return, obviously still in a conflicted emotional state, but seeming to be at least enjoying who he was talking to, even if the subject matter was a difficult one for him.

“Maybe I’m just not that into trees,” Shinji posited.

“Maybe so,” Kaworu agreed.“And that’s perfectly okay.I don’t think the trees will mind if you’re not obsessed with them.They’ll probably just keep on doing their thing.Just don’t come charging up the hill with an axe, and I think they’ll like you well enough.”

Shinji rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly at his boyfriend’s observations.“Anyway,” he started off again, “My dad liked this tree.And we hiked up to it specifically often enough that I knew the way to it, even without there being much of a substantial trail leading to it.And I knew that, according to him, this tree was a good tree for climbing.”Shinji paused, looking off into the surrounding forest once more.

“I think I know what you’re getting at,” Kaworu commented quietly, caressing Shinji’s shoulder with his thumb.

Shinji dipped his head slowly, resting his chin against his stern for a moment, then bringing it up and beginning to speak again.“There was one day in the late summer, the last one my dad was here for.It was only a few months before the divorce.My parents fighting wasn’t new.Pretty far from it, actually.That particular afternoon though, my mom got home early.My dad had been home the whole day, working on something in his office, which was definitely kind of unusual.I don’t know exactly what happened.All I know is that they started fighting . . . hard.Not like they usually fought, glares and sharp comments under their breaths, lot of whispered remarks where and when they thought Rei and I wouldn’t hear them, even though we did.This was screaming, stuff getting swept off the desk, books getting tossed off the bookcases, that kind of thing.I freaked out.I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but I wanted to be far away from it.So, I decided I’d go up the hill.I’d slip out the backdoor while they were busy arguing.They would never even notice I was gone.I tried to get Rei to go with me, but she wouldn’t leave her room.She had locked herself in there when it started, and she refused to open the door when I tried to talk to her.So, I went by myself.And I was right, they didn’t even notice when I slipped out.As it turned out, they didn’t even notice I was gone for at least an hour.And even then, the only reason they had any idea where I went was because Rei told them.”Shinji laughed sadly at this point.“Really, she’s always probably been the smarter one between the two of us.She would’ve never done something like what I did.”

Kaworu squeezed Shinji’s shoulder.“Differences in personality don’t equate to disparities in intelligence, you know.We all handle situations in our own ways, based on the way we think.”

Shinji nodded impassively.“I guess you probably have a point with that. Anyhow, once I got out of the house without getting caught, I came all the way up here.By the time I got up here, it was probably early evening.When I reached this tree, I realized I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be easy to find if they came looking for me, because at that point, I really didn’t want to go back.So, the brilliant seven-year-old that I was, I decided I was going to climb the tree, because for some reason, I thought that would make me impossible to find.In retrospect, it definitely wasn’t the smartest plan, no matter what angle you look at it from, but . . . I mean, I was seven.And upset.That’s not a great combination for genius ideas.”Shinji craned his head a bit to the side, arching his lips ambivalently.

“I completely understand what you mean,” Kaworu said encouragingly.“Trust me, I’ve concocted my fair share of less than genius ideas over the years, and not all of them were from a time when I was only seven.I think you get a free pass.”He smiled what he hoped would be a disarming grin.It seemed to work, as Shinji angled his head back and forth momentarily, as if weighing the wisdom of Kaworu’s observations, then righted his head, apparently accepting Kaworu’s remarks as more or less valid, and continued to speak.

“Yeah, I suppose you have a point.Of course, you probably already figured out one of the biggest flaws with the great plan seven-year-old me crafted: I’d never actually climbed a tree before.Sure, my dad might’ve talked about how this tree was an ideal tree to climb, and even climbed in front of me, but true to form for him, he never tried to explain to me how to climb it.He just told me it was possible.So, I ended up figuring it out as I went, based on what I had seen him do.And, surprisingly, I found out that I wasn’t utterly terrible at it.I was pretty decent, especially, looking back now, for someone who had no real experience at that point, and didn’t have anyone to help me either.In all reality, I ended up being a little too alright at it for my own good.”

Kaworu tilted his head.“That doesn’t sound terribly good,” he remarked in a low tone, sounding a fair bit concerned.

“It wasn’t,” Shinji confirmed.“See, I made it a good distance up the tree, and then I paused.I mean, I wasn’t too, too high up, but I was high enough.Certainly, high enough for seven-year-old me.Not sure I would still think so now, but you know, everything seems bigger when you’re, well, little.”Shinji glanced upward, looking into the murky gloom where the tree's sprawling branches were vaguely visible against the sky, obscuring the sky with a deeper darkness.“I honestly couldn’t tell you what branch I climbed up to.I don’t really remember anymore.”

“Not to mention the fact that we can’t exactly see much,” Kaworu chimed in with a light smile, following Shinji’s gaze upward to take in the canopy as well.

“That might be a factor in it too,” Shinji admitted, with a smile of his own.“Just a small one.”

“Oh yes, just a small one, of course,” Kaworu echoed, somewhere in the middle ground between humorously ironic and genuinely affirming of Shinji’s statement.

“But whichever branch it was, I made a serious mistake climbing up to it: I didn’t look down once,” Shinji said matter-of-factly.“If I had, I would have stopped sooner.As it was, I paused it a particular branch somewhere up the tree, and I glanced back down.And when I looked back down, I realized just how high above the ground I was, and I realized I had messed up.And then I sort of froze.I didn’t really know what to do.I had no interest in climbing any higher, but at the same time, I was more than a little frightened by the thought of trying to climb back down from where I was up the tree.It seemed like a long, long drop back down to the ground, and I was more than a little afraid of what would happen if I fell.And then there was also the fact that I had figured out how to climb up on the tree, but I still really didn’t know how to climb down.I didn’t think I could use my arms to help pull myself up or get a hold on the next branch I wanted to get to, because the next branch I wanted to get to was now suddenly below me, instead of above me, unlike all of the other branches to which I had climbed up to that point.So, I just stayed on that branch instead, essentially freaking out all over again.”

“Now that doesn’t sound good at all,” Kaworu said, his brows knitting together, as Shinji paused momentarily to catch his breath.

“It wasn’t,” Shinji agreed.“And I made it even worse for myself, because as I was starting to panic, I started to look down at the ground way below me — or at least, what I thought was way below me — and as a result, I started to get dizzy, and feel as though I was losing my balance, and I might fall off right then and there and plummet all the way down.And that definitely didn’t make climbing down any easier.And to top it all off, it was at that point that I heard my dad calling out my name, his voice getting continually closer.At that moment, that was the last thing I needed.Because I was already mildly terrified and not really thinking straight, I thought that, instead of just trying to climb down, and maybe even try to call back to my dad and get him to help me, which, even as horrible of a father as he was, he probably still would have done, I thought the best course of action would be to stay on the ‘level,’ so to speak, that I was already on, and attempt to climb my way around the tree, so that I wouldn’t be visible to anyone coming up from the direction of the hill, because my desire to avoid my father was, all things considered, stronger than my fear of falling out of the tree.

Kaworu nodded at this, offering no comment or response, but rather, simply accepting his boyfriend’s words as they were.

“So, with the strategy of putting the huge trunk of the tree between myself and my dad in mind, I started trying to move around the tree, changing from branch to branch.That went about exactly as well as you would expect it to, as in, not well at all.You can’t really see them all that well now, even with the light —” Shinji angled the torch from his phone skyward, illuminating some of the branches above them, but just as he said, still not making them exceedingly visible — “but it’s not as though there’re branches protruding from every space along the circumference of the tree at any given height, or anything like that.I didn’t really take that into account at the time, because I didn’t fully realize that that wasn’t really how trees worked.But, I found out that that wasn’t how trees worked pretty quickly, when I discovered that I wouldn’t be able to ‘ring’ my way around the tree, for lack of a better term, without either climbing higher up, or lowering myself down to branches below me along the way.And neither of those things were things that I particularly wanted to do.”

“That makes sense,” Kaworu remarked, indicating his understanding of Shinji’s past predicament.

“Yeah,” Shinji responded.“Eventually though, I ended up trying to lower myself down while moving around the tree, because even though that seemed more difficult to me, and I hadn’t really done it before, I didn’t want to climb any higher up the tree and put more space between myself and the ground, because even as a seven year old, I had a fairly good grasp on the idea that if I did end up falling, which felt like a very real and present danger to me in that moment, the higher I was on the tree, the worse it would be.And, as it turned out, that was probably the right choice on my part.I’m not really sure how things would have turned out if I had tried to climb higher.Because I did end up falling partway down the tree.”

Kaworu’s eyes widened slightly, and his hand tightened atop of Shinji’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry,” Shinji hastily instructed Kaworu before he could say anything.“I mean, I didn’t die or anything like that.”Shinji paused for a second, and then laughed at his own words, very obviously embarrassed by them.“I can’t believe I just told you that, like it was a point I needed to make.I’m so stupid sometimes.”Shinji looked downward in chagrin.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Kaworu quickly replied, nudging Shinji’s head with the top of his own and gently squeezing his shoulder.“It needed to be said.I mean, for all I knew, I could have been talking to a ghost from the day I met you.”He smiled affectionately at Shinji, trying to dispel the other boy’s shame.“You don’t need to feel bad,” he reaffirmed.

“If you say so,” Shinji said, his gaze still focused on his lap, and some humiliation still evident in his voice.

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, a Kaworu is fai— oops, wrong line,” Kaworu responded back cheerfully with a kind smile.“But yes, I most definitely say so, and I most definitely mean it.It’s fine.”

“Alright,” Shinji granted after a moment.

“What happened?”Kaworu inquired after a couple more seconds of silence had passed between the two of them, unable to restrain his curiosity, and, admittedly, his not-insignificant anxiety (which he recognized as being rather foolish on his part, considering Shinji’s fall had occurred a decade ago now, but which he couldn’t quite shake off either), in spite of the fact that his better judgment told him to wait and let Shinji tell the remainder of his story in his own time and at a pace with which he felt comfortable.

“Well,” Shinji answered, his voice deadpan, “It hurt a lot.”

“I can imagine,” Kaworu rapidly remarked.

“Fortunately, I had managed to work my way far enough down the tree, one way or another, while trying to move to the far side of it, that my fall wasn’t a long enough one to do anything too, too devastating.Or, at least, anything that still has severe, lasting consequences for me today, I guess.”Shinji paused for a brief instant, and then mused, “That’s probably a better way to put it, because I did fracture my left leg partway down my calf, and I broke my left arm below my elbow.Not to mention that I bruised a pretty decent part of my body up pretty badly.Oh, and I think I might have gotten a concussion too?At the time, it was definitely the worst pain I could remember experiencing, and honestly, I’d probably still say it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt.Not that I’ve really tried to top it either.I leave that sort of thing to Tōji,” Shinji remarked, a small hint of a grin working its way through his mouth as he attempted a bit of a joke.

“That sounds terrible,” Kaworu said simply, his tone empathetic.“I’m glad you made it through in the long run.”He laid a kiss against the side of Shinji’s head.Uncharacteristically, Shinji didn’t immediately begin to blush as a result of this, his usual nerves seemingly somewhat subdued by his current emotional state.“And I’m equally glad you haven’t tried to top that since then.”

“You know?So am I,” Shinji responded, accompanying the statement with a short, moderately melancholic laugh.“I’m also kind of glad that I don’t remember too much of what happened after a certain point.I think I might have blacked out once or twice.I just remember a lot of screaming on my part, my dad finding me, way too much pain, and then eventually, ending up in a hospital bed.All things considered, I was on the lucky side.Things could have been a whole lot worse.Sure, casts aren’t fun, but they came off eventually.And I’m right handed, so having my left arm out of commission wasn’t the end of the world per se.Though, to be fair, I was pretty miserable at the time.What kid wouldn’t be?I don’t know . . .” Shinji trailed off, and then added weakly, “It’s strange to think about it now.There’s the way I look at what happened from where I am today, and my memories of how I felt at the time. And at this point, they're a little bit dulled by how much time has passed since then, and that just makes thinking back on them even more bizarre.”

Kaworu nodded.“I know that feeling.”

“Yeah.It’s weird,” Shinji reiterated.He fell silent for roughly twenty seconds, and then said, “Thanks for letting me tell you that.”

“No, thank you for being willing to tell me that,” Kaworu responded. 

Shinji said nothing back, his expression yet introspective, his eyes averted in the direction of the ground.“Are you ready to head back now?”He asked Kaworu after another thirty seconds or so had passed without conversation.

Kaworu thought this over for a few moments, and then nodded his head.“If you’re ready, then I’m ready.”

“I’m ready,” Shinji attested, his voice low in volume, but steady and unwavering in timbre.

“Okay.”Kaworu extracted his arm from around Shinji’s shoulders, grabbed his phone from where he had propped it up, and climbed to his feet.He offered his free hand to Shinji, who accepted it and let Kaworu help him rise.Once their hands were clasped together again, Kaworu didn’t release his hold, even after Shinji was standing alongside him.Shinji said nothing to this, but gave his boyfriend a small smile.

“Homeward bound it is then,” Kaworu declared amiably.

“Sounds good to me,” Shinji concurred.They set back off through the woods, Shinji taking the lead, just as he had on the way up the hill.This time, however, the pace he set was quicker, and surer, as though the doubts which had slowed his ascent no longer had the same power over him.Their conversation on the way back to the house was sparse.Here and there, Kaworu would try to engage Shinji with a quip or a joke, but Shinji remained relatively taciturn, only offering brief, albeit polite, responses that didn't lead toward further discussion.Unlike earlier, however, Kaworu was not so concerned by his boyfriend’s mental and emotional states on the walk down.Though Shinji was quiet, his current demeanor was one suggestive of cogitation, instead of one which indicated perturbation and distress.Partway through the hike, Kaworu stopped trying to talk to Shinji, and the rest of the trip passed in comparatively comfortable silence.

Eventually, the boughs of the trees above gave way, and the lights of houses lay immediately before them.They crossed Shinji's backyard purposefully, their hands still intertwined.When they reached the backdoor to the house, they halted momentarily while Shinji retrieved his key and unlocked it, shutting off the torch on his phone and pocketing it in the process.

The interior of the house was dark and quiet, not all that unlike how it had been when they first departed.Kaworu finally checked his phone and flicked off his torch as Shinji locked the door back up. Based on his phone's clock, it looked as though they had been gone for an hour and a half, give or take a few minutes.Dusk had slipped away without a trace, the night coming into its own.

“See, it’s like we were never even gone,” Shinji whispered as he moved over to stand by Kaworu.

Kaworu glanced over at Shinji, reflecting mentally on this statement. _No, I really don’t think it’s like that at all,_ he mused internally. _Something has changed._ _And it's possible that it'_ _s only my perception. But I can't help but feel as though it's something more substantial than that._ Instead of voicing these thoughts, however, he merely replied, “You have a point.”

Shinji smiled.In a move that was distinctly out of character for him, he took action, and leaned in to place a kiss on Kaworu’s cheek.Kaworu blinked, briefly surprised.Shinji wasn’t usually the type of person to initiate something like that unless there was already a precedent for it in the situation.Recovering himself, Kaworu raised a hand to his cheek, finding it warmer than he expected.He realized that Shinji was watching him, his look indecipherable.“What was that for?”Kaworu asked, his voice tender.

Shinji shrugged lightly, his face, which was already a little bit red, growing exponentially more crimson with every passing moment.Casting his eyes away, over in the direction of the couch, as if he intended to stare it down, he answered, “Call it a thank you present.”

Kaworu blinked again, thinking of a suitable response to this.He settled on, “Okay.Well in that case, thank you.”

Shinji looked back at Kaworu, tilting his head and looking slightly miffed, which only served to make him appear outright adorable in Kaworu’s eyes.“You can’t just thank me for my thank you,” Shinji protested softly.“That’s not allowed.”

“Who says?” Kaworu shot back affectionately.“I’ll thank you all I want.You are worthy of thanks, some extra thanks, and even more thanks beyond that too, as far as I’m concerned.”

“What does that even mean?”Shinji inquired, looking as though he wanted to laugh.

“It means that you're awesomely amazing,” Kaworu responded.

Shinji’s blush deepened.He looked away again.“Stooop,” he demanded, his tone very much contradicting with the order.

_You are so absurdly cute when you do that, it's not even funny_ , Kaworu observed silently. He promptly began to hum a tune, a grin spreading over his lips.Shinji raised an eyebrow, staring over at his boyfriend in confusion.“What are you doing?”He queried in bewilderment after a few moments.

Kaworu paused, feigning a degree of puzzlement, and then answered concisely, “Oh, me? Just humming ‘Can’t Stop’ by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.”

Shinji promptly facepalmed, laughing as he shook his head.Kaworu beamed. _You know, I think I may have a problem_ , he thought as he watched Shinji fight between his apparent desire to cringe at Kaworu’s humor, and his undeniable amusement. _Well, not really a problem.I should say I’ve had an epiphany.That’s better.Makes it sound much less negative.Doesn’t have any pejorative connotations.Because that’s the last thing I want.It’s not as though it’s a bad thing, after all.I mean, it can be a complicated thing, that much is true, but fundamentally, I’d say it’s an exceedingly positive thing.Assuming I don’t mess it up anyway._

Kaworu was separated from his the realm of his rumination as Shinji finally shook off his humor, drawing his hand away from his face.Stepping in closer, he laid his head against Kaworu’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his chest and pulling him into a hug.Kaworu returned the gesture himself fondly, embracing Shinji firmly.

“You’re something else, you know that, right?”Shinji asked, his tone signifying that the question was rhetorical.All the same, Kaworu gave an answer.

“Glad to hear my mission is succeeding.”

Shinji giggled.

_Yep_ , Kaworu reaffirmed to himself, _I think I might be falling in love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! Please feel free to leave a comment, I always appreciate feedback.
> 
> As with the last chapter, bonus reader points to you if you got all of the references here.


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